IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the sales of children’s books, adult fiction and educational books between 2002 and 2006 in one country.

The graph below shows the sales of children’s books, adult fiction and educational books between 2002 and 2006 in one country.
The line chart displays how much people pay
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 3 different types of
books
Use synonyms
 in one particular region from 2002 to 2006. Units
measure
Wrong verb form
are measured
show examples
 in million dollars.
Overall
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
's and educational
books
Use synonyms
 have increased gradually over the entire period.
While
Linking Words
adult's
Check wording
adult
show examples
 fiction
books
Use synonyms
 have fluctuated over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time. There was a significant rise in the sales of
children
Use synonyms
's
books
Use synonyms
 in 2002, with over 30M,
then
Linking Words
 started to surge gradually, with above 40M
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
meanwhile
Fix capitalization
Meanwhile
show examples
,
children
Use synonyms
's
books
Use synonyms
 reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
top
Check wording
peak
show examples
 in 2006, with well over 50M.
Adult's
Check wording
Adult
show examples
 fiction
books
Use synonyms
 experienced a
variation
Check wording
apply
show examples
decline over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the years, with just over 30M in 2006.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, educational
books
Use synonyms
 have risen dramatically in 2002, with nearly 25M, and
then
Linking Words
 fluctuated
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2006, with more than 30M. In 2006, the highest share of sales was
children
Use synonyms
's
books
Use synonyms
;
by contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest was for
adult's
Check wording
adult
show examples
 fiction
books
Use synonyms
,
altought
Correct your spelling
although
 it was the highest one in 2002.
While
Linking Words
 educational
books
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 in the middle among them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words books, children, m with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: