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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

2.In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

In many countries, schools are facing serious problems related to student behaviour.
This
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 essay will discuss the main causes of
this
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 issue and suggest possible solutions to address it. One important reason for poor student behaviour is the lack of parental guidance at home. Many parents fail to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 supervisory responsibilities
:
Punctuation problem
;
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 some are overly occupied with work to pursue better economic conditions, leaving little time for communicating with their children or guiding their daily lives,
while
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 others simply lack effective disciplinary methods, allowing teenagers to grow without proper boundaries. Another contributing factor is the pressure and stress students face at school. The curriculum pressure in school is excessive
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as a heavy load of homework, frequent exams, and high academic expectations, leaving little time for students to rest, which
is
Verb problem
apply
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easily
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
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 to anxiety and stress.
In addition
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, negative influences from social media and popular culture may encourage disruptive actions among young people. These interrelated factors create a complex environment that poses significant challenges to the healthy growth of teenagers.​ To solve these problems, parents should take more responsibility for communicating with and guiding their children. Schools can
also
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 play a vital role by offering counselling services and promoting moral education alongside academic study.
Moreover
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, governments and media companies should work together to limit harmful content and provide positive role models.
For instance
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, schools can establish
mentor
Correct article usage
a mentor
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 system to help students reduce heavy curriculum pressure. Putting these
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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 into
practise
Use the right word
practice
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 will control several severe problems to a certain extent. In conclusion, student anti-behaviour is caused by a combination of family, school, and social factors.
However
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, with joint efforts from parents, educators, and society,
this
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 issue can be effectively reduced.

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task response
Your essay clearly lays out causes and a plan to help. To push it to a higher band, deepen your idea with more detail and precise link words.
coherence
Use smoother flow between ideas. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and end with a short wrap up to help the reader see the path of your argument.
grammar
Some sentences are long and a bit hard to read. Use shorter sentences with simple words to keep clarity.
example
Give a concrete example or simple evidence to back up a point, such as a situation of a family with long work hours or a school program that helped students.
structure
Clear focus on causes and solutions in a logical order.
coherence
Good use of linking words like 'Another contributing factor' and 'In addition'.
content
The essay stays on the topic and has a conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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