IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is universally accepted that we need to interact
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 since
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a social creatures.
Communicate
Replace the word
Communication
show examples
 is one of the
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 of human interaction
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, since we are very diverse with different cultures and
languages
Use synonyms
, and
English
Use synonyms
as
Use the right word
is
show examples
 the global
language
Use synonyms
, I believe that learning
English
Use synonyms
 is very important, without
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 to completely forget about the local
languages
Use synonyms
. It appears that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 almost every
Use synonyms
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 in every
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 have
English
Use synonyms
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 mandatory subject for their students.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the education ministry of some countries where
English
Use synonyms
 is not the first
language
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 set the regulation regarding
English
Use synonyms
 scores in school as one of the
parameter
Fix the agreement mistake
parameters
show examples
 for the students to
get passed
Wrong verb form
pass
show examples
. Another point worth noting is, people who
equipped
Verb problem
are fluent
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
English
Use synonyms
fluently
Rephrase
apply
show examples
will easier to get a job since many job requirements are looking for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employees who have savy skills in
languages
Use synonyms
. It shows that
English
Use synonyms
 is important to be learnt. With respect to our culture, we still have to preserve our local
languages
Use synonyms
. Local
language
Use synonyms
 has been part of our history that we need to appreciate. By using local
language
Use synonyms
 for casual communication between families and friends, it can be a small effort with a big impact to keep the traditions
with
Correct word choice
alive with
show examples
 us. Not only that, like
schools
Use synonyms
 in Indonesia, a country with
hundred
Fix the agreement mistake
hundreds
show examples
 of
diversenesses
Check wording
diversities
show examples
, they have local
language
Use synonyms
 as the extracurricular subject. If the
schools
Use synonyms
 are in
West
Correct article usage
the West
show examples
 Java region,
Linking Words
thus
Use the right word
then
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Sundanesse
Correct your spelling
Sundanese
language
Use synonyms
 is being taught at the school.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, the benefit from fluent in
English
Use synonyms
 makes learning the
language
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
crucial. Needless to say, local
languages
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
are also
show examples
 important to keep the historical and
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
 value by still using
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 for casual communication and as an additional course at
schools
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Give a clear view in your intro and restate it in the end. Use linking words to show how ideas are tied.
task response
Answer both parts well. Give steps or plans to keep local language while you learn English.
organization
Make each paragraph focus on one idea. Use clear links between ideas.
examples
Add more particular proof from life or from place to show your points.
language
Fix grammar and use short, plain words. Try simple sentence forms.
strength
The essay shows both sides and that English and local language matter.
strength
It mentions a real place (Sundanese in West Java).
strength
The idea to keep local language through family use is clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • global communication
  • economic opportunities
  • cultural diversity
  • endangered
  • linguistic heritage
  • inclusive
  • multilingualism
  • language revitalization
  • language policy
  • language preservation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: