IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The provided graph
compared
Wrong verb form
compares
show examples
 how many Australian participants take part in five various activities which are held in social
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 in Melbourne.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that all activities have experienced remarkable changes
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the exception of Film Club and martial arts
over
Punctuation problem
, over
show examples
 a 20-year
period
Use synonyms
 (2000-2020).
While
Linking Words
 amateur dramatics and table tennis recorded significant changes, musical performances showed a steady rising trend. The popularity of film club martial arts among Australians at the beginning and end of the given
period
Use synonyms
 was relatively the same (roughly 65 and 36 numbers, respectively), albeit martial arts being erratic between around 3.9 and 3.1 and film club experiencing a moderate dip by 5 in 2010. As for the items with maximum alterations, table tennis and musical performances both recorded increasing trends. Despite an initial dramatic increase in 2010 to just above 10, musical performances had shown a moderate rise by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
 to under 20.
Likewise
Linking Words
, at
first
Punctuation problem
first,
show examples
 table tennis attracted people's attention, increasing by about 4 from 2000 to 2005, after which in the second half of the
period
Use synonyms
 it became less than
three-fold
Use the right word
threefold
show examples
, with under 55 numbers in 2020.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2000, Australians' interest in amateur dramatics relatively stayed the same, and from 2005 to the end of the given
period
Use synonyms
, it steadily plumped to just above 5.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: