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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart gives information on the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three different diets. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. Make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart gives information on the proportion of carbohydrates, protein and fat in three different diets. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below. Make comparisons where relevant.
The diagrams below illustrate the difference in substance between three diets
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 the average
diet
Use synonyms
, the healthy
diet
Use synonyms
, and the
diet
Use synonyms
 for athletes.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 take a significant proportion of the three diets. Meanwhile, the figure for fat is the lowest percentage in the charts. As can be seen, both
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 and
protein
Use synonyms
 account for 40% each,
while
Linking Words
 the fat is half the proportion of
protein
Use synonyms
 in the average
diet
Use synonyms
. In
the
Correct article usage
a
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 healthy
diet
Use synonyms
,
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 represent 50%, which is equal to the combined total of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
protein
Use synonyms
 (30%) and fat (20%).
Protein
Use synonyms
 falls slightly compared with the average
diet
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the fat remains stable between the average
diet
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, a healthy
diet
Use synonyms
 for sport, the
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 account for the largest proportion, with 60% of the total. The percentage of
protein
Use synonyms
 takes up a quarter of the pie chart, and the fat declines minimally to 15% compared to other charts.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words diet, carbohydrates, protein with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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