IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, it is easier for young people to have a credit card compared to the past. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent times, the
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 of young adults
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 allowed to have
credit
Use synonyms
cards
Use synonyms
 has emerged as a significant concern in the general public.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals
maintian
Correct your spelling
maintain
 that
this
Linking Words
 trend brings more disadvantages than benefits
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 both views have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
valid points
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I would discuss them before giving my own opinion. On the one hand,
allows
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
 young people to have a bank card leads to
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
. Their lives would be
esier
Correct your spelling
easier
 because they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 need to carry
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cash around. To illustrate,
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
 is an
essentail
Correct your spelling
essential
 thing in these modern
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 which carries
every thing
Use the right word
everything
show examples
 that they need in daily life,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 money, maps, etc. If
teenagers
Use synonyms
 have
credit
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cards
Punctuation problem
cards,
show examples
 that means they are
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
 to use mobile banking, which would be very flexible and useful.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some individuals find
out
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
hard to control
teenagers
Use synonyms
. Normally,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strong
emotional
Replace the word
emotions
show examples
, so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to let them control the money might not be a good
dicision
Correct your spelling
decision
 because they can not be trusted.
For instance
Linking Words
, they want some things but their parents suggest
Correct word choice
that them
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 not
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
buy it, if they have their own
credit
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cards
Punctuation problem
cards,
show examples
 they would pay it
behid
Correct your spelling
behind
 their
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
back
Replace the word
backs
show examples
. In conclusion,
Linking Words
While
Fix capitalization
while
show examples
 it is true that letting young adults have a
credit
Use synonyms
 card
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 convenient and
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
.
However
Linking Words
,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 are hard to
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
control
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
because they could
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trubble
Correct your spelling
trouble
,
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
using
Verb problem
spending
show examples
 all the money without thinking
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 managing. Because of these
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
. I firmly believe that people should be
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
 to have
credit
Use synonyms
cards
Use synonyms
 when they are over 18 years old.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Plan your essay with three parts: 1) idea you state, 2) point for it, 3) link to your view. Use a plan before you write.
coherence
Make each paragraph hold one main idea. Start with a small idea, then add a detail.
grammar
Use simple, short sentences. Check spelling and form words like 'their' and 'there', 'too' and 'to'.
examples
Use clear examples that fit the idea you talk about. For example, say how a card can help or hurt.
conclusion
Present your view at the end in a clear sentence.
content
The writer tries to discuss both sides of the issue.
conclusion
The writer ends with a clear personal view.
content
There are some good ideas on ease of use and control.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: