IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly. However, many of them do not exercise enough. What are the causes? What can be done to encourage them to exercise?

Correct article usage
A Healthly
show examples
Healthly
Correct your spelling
healthy
 lifestyle plays
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
show examples
 role in human
life
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 should
preform
Use the right word
perform
show examples
 healthy activities to enhance their
stemina
Correct your spelling
stamina
 and immunity to stay fit
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 through
exercises
Add a comma
exercises,
show examples
 they can
get
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 disease
free
Use the right word
disease-free
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.Mostly doctors suggest
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
 old
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
participate in
haelthy routeen
Correct your spelling
healthy routines
 for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
furture
Correct your spelling
future
.
However
Linking Words
 , nowadays old
people
Use synonyms
 avoid
to do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 any kind of exercise.There are many
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
 scenario
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss all causes and
appropirate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 solutions for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 paragraphs. First of all,
seniors
Fix the agreement mistake
senior
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not have proper
knoweldge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and awareness regarding health issues ,which they are facing in their current
age
Use synonyms
 group, and some old
people
Use synonyms
 are not fully
eductaed
Correct your spelling
educated
, so they do not get appropriate information to understand
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of healthy activities.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in old
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 become more lazy and they want to stay in their comfort zone
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they are facing some
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
joint pain , back pain and
weeknes
Correct your spelling
weakness
 in bones
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 old
age
Use synonyms
 , which can be another reason to not go out to do exercises.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, family condition , loneliness can
also
Linking Words
 be a major cause of
this
Linking Words
 situation.Mostly , old
people
Use synonyms
 stay at home alone because their children are busy in
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
life
Use synonyms
 and they do not have enough time for them to
sepnd
Correct your spelling
spend
 together , it can reflect
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 mood and they neglect to follow any healthy
routeen
Correct your spelling
routine
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if there are lots of reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 not doing
execrise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 on time by old
people
Use synonyms
 , but there
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
are also
show examples
 some appropriate solutions for
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 issues. Mainly,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 and community should provide awareness programs and
seminors
Correct your spelling
seminars
 for
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 group
Check wording
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 , so they can get proper
inforamtion
Correct your spelling
information
 to stay
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
fit and healthy.
In addition
Linking Words
, old
people
Use synonyms
 should
visti
Correct your spelling
visit
doctor
Correct article usage
a doctor
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 other
weakness
Fix the agreement mistake
weaknesses
show examples
 in
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 and they can get better treatment and advice
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
doctor
Correct article usage
a doctor
show examples
 to do
execrise
Correct your spelling
exercise
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, families and children should spend quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time with
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 parents and grandparents, they should provide them knowledge of
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 with
out door
Use the right word
outdoor
show examples
 activities, which can
put
Verb problem
have
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 effect
no
Use the right word
on
show examples
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 mood
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can follow
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
routeen
Correct your spelling
routine
 in
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 daily
life
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 every
age
Use synonyms
 group need
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
lifstyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in old
Use synonyms
age
Add a comma
age,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should focus on
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 health to avoid unwanted health
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can avoid it
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
Punctuation problem
, economical
show examples
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 and personal
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 family and
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should support their senior citizens with love and happiness.

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planning
Plan your essay by writing a short plan first. Say what causes, then what you can do. Use one main idea in each paragraph.
grammar
Check spelling and marks like 'healthy' 'routine' and 'weakness'. Use simple words and short sentences.
content
Give more detail for each cause and for each solution. Give a simple example that shows the point.
linking
Use linking words to join ideas: also, but, because, for example, in addition.
content
The essay looks at both reasons and ways to help, so the task is clear.
structure
There is a basic order in the writing, with an opening and a end.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivation
  • physical limitations
  • lack of time
  • fear of injury
  • exercise facilities
  • misunderstanding
  • benefits of exercise
  • social support
  • poor health conditions
  • awareness
  • appropriate exercises
  • guidance
  • financial constraints
What to do next:
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