IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. They believe this would benefit teenagers and the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In China, unpaid
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 seems very far away for
teenagers
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 the main reasons for that are
because
Change preposition
that
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majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 believe it is useful, as suggested by some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of people
,
Punctuation problem
. Such
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such
Linking Words
 practices should be increased during students’ spare time to benefit both the students and the
society
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.
but
Fix capitalization
But
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 I generally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 in
this
Linking Words
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
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 more details will be illustrated. First of all, the practical
skills
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 could be imparted through
community
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 responsibility
performing
Replace the word
performance
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. It is hardly wise to rebut that unpaid
community
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 is a scarce opportunity for
teenagers
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 to gain those useful
skills
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, those
skills
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 which may be a very essential tool for them to get a chance to get into a job.
For example
Linking Words
, I have been to a medical center for doing the medical volunteer, in there, I learned countless medical
skills
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 which I will never receive in school, be it CPR- a skill to save people’s life in emergency, wound healing or the mental tactics to deal with depression, these
skills
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 could provide more alternative chances for finding jobs in the future, same as me, those
teenagers
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 who knows more
skills
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 than others will to be easier to gain a job, it may decrease the unemployment in the
society
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, not only the students themselves, but
also
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
Use synonyms
 could benefit.
Secondly
Linking Words
, doing unpaid
community
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Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 definitely
high-cost
Replace the word
a highly
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 effectiveness choice to do, it may bring
a self fulfillment
Use the right word
self-fulfilment
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 and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growth to those participants. Spending time on contribution
works
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 may give
teenagers
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 absolutely fresh feelings which may lead them to
growth
Replace the word
grow
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 to be more mature by
let
Wrong verb form
letting
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 them understand that not only
those
Correct word order
are those
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works
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
that gives
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gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 wages or payment
are
Correct word order
apply
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worthy, but
also
Linking Words
 jobs that make the world or themselves better are not worthless. After growing up,
teenagers
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 may start to contribute more to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
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 and
becomes
Correct subject-verb agreement
become
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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beneficial person to the
society
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the unpaid
community
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work
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 is highly valued, meanwhile it will cost enormous free time to host or finish it, for majority of the
teenagers
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, they are students, for them they need to find a balance between the unpaid
work
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 and their academic which I believe it is not a easy task to achieve, it may draw back their academic grade which may bring a negative effect to their grade and impede the path leading to universality,
hence
Linking Words
 the population to get into high rank universities may reduced which can cause a unhealthy influence to the
society
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. In
a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion,
ignore
Wrong verb form
ignoring
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 all the drawbacks, holistically
been
Verb problem
apply
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participants
Replace the word
participating
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 in the
community
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 unpair
work
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 is a great chance for
teenagers
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 to expand their
skills
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 and heighten their personality to become more natural,
base
Replace the word
based
show examples
 on that
more
Punctuation problem
, more
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 and more people who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 beneficial to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 will be developed.

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structure
Work on a clear line of view in every part. Start with your main point and keep to it.
grammar
Make sentences small and clean. Fix many grammar errors.
content
Give more, simple facts or details to back your point. Use one or two good examples.
conclusion
End with a clear conclusion that restates your view. Do not use words that tell to ignore drawbacks.
stance
You show a clear view against the idea.
idea
You give more than one reason to back your view.
structure
You use order and sign word like First, Secondly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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