IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

People
Use synonyms
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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 that keeping
Use synonyms
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 strong is a significant importance for
success
Use synonyms
 in
sports
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other individuals consider that brain strength and mental
health
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more essential.
As
Change preposition
Although
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 opinion in some cases,
however
Linking Words
, I believe that physical strength is extremely important to achieving your goals and
success
Use synonyms
 in
sports
Use synonyms
. Keeping your
body
Use synonyms
 healthy and going to the gym or fitness session or doing any kinds of
sports
Use synonyms
, which give you the flixability to your
body
Use synonyms
 to do anything,
furthermore
Linking Words
, continously and determination to obtain healthy
body
Use synonyms
 will fix your life via arrange your time for sleep, work and even your whole schedual,
for instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who used to going to the gym and fitness individuals
such
Linking Words
 as Janti Shaban, who is an Iraq fitness man, that have a page in Instagram and sharing with
people
Use synonyms
 him succed that obtain it by sport and becoms one of the famous
people
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the mental
health
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 important to obtain your
success
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, in my humble opinion the mental
health
Use synonyms
 will be fixing just when the persons have a goals to achieve
for example
Linking Words
, doing a spoorts and gain a healthy
body
Use synonyms
 is huge essential goal, so when the
people
Use synonyms
 realiase that the healty
body
Use synonyms
 is important to them and keeping them bodies strong enough and leaving the bad habits with enhancing them life style, all of these actions make the mental more strong,
although
Linking Words
, the sportsconly can not fix the mental,
however
Linking Words
, it is one of the most important way to protect the brain and removing the negativity the impact on the mental
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I consider that doing
sports
Use synonyms
 and
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical strength is extremely important to
obtain your
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
success
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
and,
show examples
Linking Words
furthermore
Punctuation problem
furthermore,
show examples
 your mental
health
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 focusing on
sports
Use synonyms
 is the way to
obtain your
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
succes
Correct your spelling
success
.

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task response
Add two clear reasons for each view and give a stronger, easy to see link to your own view.
coherence cohesion
Make a new paragraph for each main idea and use simple link words to show order.
coherence cohesion
Use one real example that fits the idea and show how it helps your point.
task response
The essay shows both sides and has a clear final opinion.
coherence cohesion
There is a closing paragraph.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical conditioning
  • athleticism
  • physical training
  • muscle strength
  • mental resilience
  • psychological preparedness
  • mental toughness
  • confidence
  • precision
  • focus
  • mental strategies
  • mental fortitude
  • brute strength
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