IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children, which encourages them to buy goods suchastoysandsnacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisers claim that they provide useful information to children. Discuss both views and giveyouropinion

There is a rising number of
advertising
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
faced
Verb problem
aimed
show examples
 at
people
Use synonyms
 who are under-18, which gets them excited to buy unhealthy goods
such
Linking Words
 as dolls and sweets.
While
Linking Words
 some would argue that they give good information to
children
Use synonyms
, I believe that sort of
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 put a huge pressure on young
people
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, encouraging young
people
Use synonyms
 to buy these goods will
draw
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 to a serious problem. advertisers don't know that will let
people
Use synonyms
 have diseases
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 diabetes, and cardiac diseases, because some sweets
composed
Verb problem
are composed
show examples
 of lots of
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 toys in general, lead to
diabetes type 1
Correct word order
type 1 diabetes
show examples
,
due to
Linking Words
setting
Use the right word
sitting
show examples
 down for a long period, so they easily get sick.
For example
Linking Words
, my youngest brother Sam, diagnosed
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 heart disease,
he's
Verb problem
is
show examples
 a fan of advertisements that display sweets and toys.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that advertisements for young
people
Use synonyms
 should be taken into consideration because
children
Use synonyms
 can't
distinct
Replace the word
distinguish
show examples
 between what
good
Verb problem
is good
show examples
 for them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, parents expressed their
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 about advertisements that put
children
Use synonyms
 under a magnitude pressure.
By buying
Change preposition
Buying
show examples
 these goods would let
children
Use synonyms
 get low marks in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
, and their IQ goes down.
This
Linking Words
 is why parents did a campaign
aganist
Correct your spelling
against
 advertisers in the UK
last
Linking Words
 year. I believe doing campaigns helps families to avoid what is bad for their sons.

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content
Plan your essay with two sides and a clear view at the end. Start with a short repeat of the topic, then two clear body parts, and finish with your view.
structure
Use simple links like and, but, also, but to show a link between ideas. Make each idea fit with the one next to it.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Read aloud to find mistakes and fix run-on sentences.
content
You try to talk about both sides.
content
You use a real example of a family to show your point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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