Importance should be given to the academic subjects by the schools. Music and sports should not be as a subject. Do you agree or disagree. Give reasons and examples for your answer

In the modern era, schools might broaden their curriculum to include
subjects
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like
music
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and
sports
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. Some argue that students should prefer educational
subjects
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instead
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of studying creative activities
such
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as
music
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and
sports
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. I strongly disagree with
this
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view as both
subjects
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are essential for children’s
overall
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growth. On one hand, concentrating solely on conceptual
subjects
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like science and mathematics hinders the holistic development of pupils.
Music
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and
sports
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- innovative
subjects
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nurture the individual’s creativity, improve concentration
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as
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, as
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well as
team-work
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teamwork
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.
For instance
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, learning an innovative instrument improves concentration and patience,
while
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physical education develops co-operation and discipline. These qualities cannot be taught from textbooks alone but are essential in real-world situations
such
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as managing stress or working
or
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, or
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managing a group of co-workers.
Furthermore
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, numerous studies suggest that physical activities and tournaments strengthen
body
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the body
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part
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apply
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, improve concentration and memory, which are necessary to enhance
the
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apply
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focus on academic courses.
Similarly
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,
music
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stimulates brain areas linked to problem-solving and critical thinking.
Hence
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, rather than neglecting school topics, these courses complement intellectual development.
On the other hand
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, mathematics and science undeniably provide a basic foundation for career opportunities. Without those
thesis
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theses
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, undergraduates often struggle to pursue professional growth in their careers. To illustrate it, strong science concepts are vital in today’s competitive job market, where innovation and analytical skills are highly valued. In conclusion,
although
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curriculum topics allow
to build
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for building
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up knowledge,
music
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and
sports
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play an important role in shaping balanced, healthy and capable individuals. Schools should
therefore
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give equal importance to these
subjects
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to ensure that children grow not only as scholars but
also
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as well-rounded human beings.

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task response
Task response: Your view is clear and you give reasons. To raise the score, keep to one main idea in each paragraph and add strong, clear real examples for each idea.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your text moves in a good flow at times, but the link between ideas is not strong all through. Use clear order: opinion, reason, example, and small counter point if you want. Use simple join words like first, next, also, but, so, however, and finally to link ideas.
strength
Clear view on the topic
strength
Some good examples for music and sport
strength
Overall shape and plan of the essay is present

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive Benefits
  • Critical Thinking
  • Problem-Solving Skills
  • Logical Reasoning
  • Analytical Skills
  • Mastery
  • Job Opportunities
  • Discipline
  • Socio-Economic Contribution
  • Technological Advancement
  • Innovate
  • Sustainable Development
  • Physical Health
  • Physical Activity
  • Fitness
  • Obesity
  • Lifestyle Diseases
  • Emotional and Social Development
  • Creativity
  • Emotional Expression
  • Teamwork
  • Communication Skills
  • Sense of Belonging
  • Life Skills
  • Time Management
  • Perseverance
  • Transferable Skills
  • Well-Rounded Education
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