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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2000, 2006 and 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of the population in the UK who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2000, 2006 and 2010.
The given bar chart compares
men
Use synonyms
,
women
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 and
children
Use synonyms
 in the UK in terms of the percentage who consumed the recommended daily amount of fruit and vegetables in 2000, 2006 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 had the highest
consumption
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 of fruit and vegetables,
while
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 had the lowest over the period. In 2002,
women
Use synonyms
's
consumption
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 was 3% higher than
men
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's
consumption
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,
whereas
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 consumed 11% of
recommended
Correct article usage
the recommended
show examples
 daily intake. After four years, the proportion of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
population increased significantly, reaching the highest point of the whole period.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the same year, the proportion of
women
Use synonyms
's
consumption
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 was 32%,
men
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's was 28%, and
children
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 stood at 16%. Four years later,
the all
Correct word order
all the
show examples
 figures for all groups declined noticeably. The proportion of
women
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 who ate the recommended amount of fruit and vegetables fell from 32% to 27% .
In addition
Linking Words
, that of
men
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 declined by 4% between 2006 and 2010,
while
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
's
consumption
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also
Linking Words
 decreased slightly to 14%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, children, consumption with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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