IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

There is no denying the fact that the government invests in the
arts
Use synonyms
 fields.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that the regimes should
be spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a large amount of money in other sectors,
such
Linking Words
 as public services, there is an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that the nations should make
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
 in all sectors.
To begin
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 with, public utilities play a crucial role in people's lives.
In other words
Linking Words
, individuals often rely on community services in their daily life,
such
Linking Words
 as education, healthcare and public transportation.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 approach has a direct connection to
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 the quality of life, especially among the needy.
For example
Linking Words
, projects have started in poor countries in Africa, they have related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public aid rather than cultural development. Another point to consider, some states believe that extreme efforts and large budgets should
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
show examples
 on the
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
branches
Check wording
apply
show examples
. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that the
arts
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in addressing some complications,
such
Linking Words
 as mental and social health issues.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
arts
Use synonyms
 should
apply
Wrong verb form
be applied
show examples
 in all education stages, because they have a significant impact on students,
such
Linking Words
 as enhancing critical thinking, fostering creativity and providing solve-problems skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, some research
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
implementing
Wrong verb form
implemented
show examples
 in richer countries, they found
this
Linking Words
 trend more effective on people and their life patterns. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I consider that the authorities should
make
Verb problem
strike
show examples
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
 between the general and the
arts
Use synonyms
 departments, which guarantees all human rights.

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grammar
Fix grammar and word order in places where the meaning is not clear.
task response
Make a clear plan: state your view, give reasons, and add one example for each point.
coherence
Add strong, real examples that match the point you make.
coherence
Use linking words well so the writing flows from one idea to the next.
content
The paper shows a good attempt to discuss both sides.
structure
It ends with a clear view and a decision.
coherence
There are linking devices like To begin with and In addition.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • investment
  • cultural enrichment
  • economic growth
  • creative industries
  • public services
  • job creation
  • mental health benefits
  • social cohesion
  • diversity
  • inclusivity
  • marginalized voices
  • therapeutic outlets
  • community engagement
  • tourism attraction
  • quality of life
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