IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this statement?

There is no denying the fact that scientific discoveries play a crucial role in shaping our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that the most important aim of science should be to improve people’s
lives
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, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, improving the
quality
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 of
life
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 should be the top priority for scientists.
To begin
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 with, the improvement that would take place in people’s
lives
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 will ultimately
develop
Verb problem
improve
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life
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quality
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.
In other words
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, aspects like healthcare, education, and finances
when
Punctuation problem
, when
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progressing
Punctuation problem
progressing,
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 can result in a better
life
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.
In addition
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, when people’s
lives
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 are good and stable, they are more likely to focus on other problems to tackle.
For example
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, they can start addressing environmental issues,
such
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 as global warming, air pollution, and
reduction
Correct article usage
the reduction
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 in species. Another point to consider is that enhancing civilians’
lives
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 can lead to the creation of better societies.
Therefore
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, having
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 society is a concrete step towards creating
advanced
Correct article usage
an advanced
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 and prosperous nation.
Moreover
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, the presence of stable
life
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 allows people to be innovative.
For instance
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, if the fundamentals of living are fulfilled, individuals are more likely to be creative and skilled, just like the case with Japan’s people improvement qualities
due to
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 the research concentration on improving
life
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quality
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. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I firmly believe that the primary aim of science should be the pursuit of knowledge itself
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besides
Punctuation problem
, besides
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 improving the
quality
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 of
life
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. As a
science driven-society
Use the right word
science-driven society
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 can create creative, confident, and well-educated members.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the intro and keep the same view in the rest of the essay.
task response
Give more full ideas for each point. Explain why and how. Use one clear example per paragraph.
coherence
Use one idea per paragraph and start with a topic sentence. This helps the reader follow your plan.
cohesion
Use more simple and short links. Some sentences are long.
language
Some word choice is not right. Choose simple, common words.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
ideas
cohesion
Some transitions link ideas well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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