IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

several languages are in danger of extinct because they are spoken by very small number of people. some people say that governments should spend public money on saving these languages, while others believe that would be a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

These days, several
languages
Use synonyms
 of ethnic minorities are
getting
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
by
Change preposition
due to
show examples
decreasing
Correct article usage
the decreasing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who use the
laguages
Correct your spelling
languages
. Regarding
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
governments
Use synonyms
 should expend budget on saving these
languages
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others insist that the
governments
Use synonyms
 do not need to save the
laguages
Correct your spelling
languages
 with public money. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 maintain that the
governments
Use synonyms
 should effort to conserve endangered
minor
Replace the word
minority
show examples
languages
Use synonyms
 with money. One of the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
, a language is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important
culture
Use synonyms
 of a group.
People
Use synonyms
 feel a sense of belonging and pride by using their own
languages
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, despite most
people
Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 English in New
zealand
Fix capitalization
Zealand
show examples
,
Maory
Correct your spelling
Maori
 is the identity and pride of New
zealand
Fix capitalization
Zealand
show examples
. Maori are
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 unique
cremony
Correct your spelling
ceremony
 with their
Use synonyms
languages
Fix the agreement mistake
language
show examples
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 events,
show
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
 their identity, presence and
culture
Use synonyms
. If they do the ceremony
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 English
instead
Linking Words
 of
Maori
Correct article usage
the Maori
show examples
 language, it would not be grand.
In addition
Linking Words
, if the minor
languages
Use synonyms
 are
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
, the
people
Use synonyms
 who use the
languages
Use synonyms
 would
be felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 frustrated and
Verb problem
lose a
show examples
a
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 sense of loss their identities.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 should
coserve
Correct your spelling
conserve
 the
languages
Use synonyms
 for the nation's
culture
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 insist that spending money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 saving endangered
languages
Use synonyms
 is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
. A reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 argument is globalisation. Today, many
people
Use synonyms
 around the world effort learning English for
globalised
Correct article usage
a globalised
show examples
 life
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 say that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is just a trend in modern society
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 we have to follow the global trend. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 using a foreign language is important in globalisation, I believe that
governments
Use synonyms
 should effort to save minor
languages
Use synonyms
 in their countries for preservation of their own identities and
culture
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: You cover the topic but you need to show more detail on both views and make your own view clear with a strong reason.
coherence
Coherence: Use clear paragraphs and start each with one main idea. Use simple link words to join ideas, like and, but, also, then, so.
grammar
Grammar and form: Some word form and spelling mistakes make the text hard to read. Check small errors and keep long sentences shorter.
content
You talk about both views and give your own view at the end.
structure
You see language as part of culture and you want to keep it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: