IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries. The participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries. The participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The provided bar graph
summarizes
Change the spelling
summarises
show examples
 the
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 of a study and indicates what people in five different countries think
to be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 the appropriate
age
Use synonyms
 to be allowed to have certain rights and responsibilities.
In particular
Linking Words
, citizens’ opinion regarding the right
age
Use synonyms
 for marriage, voting, and prosecution for crime greatly varies. To commence with, people in Japan and the UK opine that they should not marry until they are at least 20
years
Use synonyms
old
Punctuation problem
old,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 Americans believe that
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 should be exactly 18.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, Mexicans and Egyptians agreed that they should be allowed to get married just after they cross the
age
Use synonyms
 of 15. In terms of voting power, the Japanese state that 20
years
Use synonyms
 is the right
agefor
Correct your spelling
age for
 themwhile Americans and Egyptians express
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 should be 18
years
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
. Both
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
 and Mexicans want their voting
right
Replace the word
rights
show examples
 at 16
years
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
 people give their opinion that someone should be charged by the law for committing any crime when they become 12
years
Use synonyms
 old.
However
Linking Words
,
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 seem to have a different opinion as they believe that someone should not be charged with a criminal
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
 until they turn 18
years
Use synonyms
.
Correct word choice
old.
show examples
 Survey participants in the other three countries expressed that before
14
Punctuation problem
14,
show examples
 they should not be punished by law for any misdeed.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: