Some people think it’s beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work?

There is no denying the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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early
working
Replace the word
work
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encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
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children
Use synonyms
to gain life experience.
While
Linking Words
it is a commonly held
believe
Replace the word
belief
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that it has many drawbacks on both
young
Correct article usage
the young
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generation and societies, there is an argument that it has positive impacts on
children
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.
This
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essay will
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
show examples
both
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
trend. On one hand, working early has
pivotal
Correct article usage
a pivotal
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role in
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
In other words
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, it contributes to
build
Wrong verb form
building
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self-reliance and personality growth.
Moreover
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,
children
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can get
financially
Replace the word
financial
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independence through paid work, and bring greater success in
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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future
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Thus
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, the government and all
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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authorities should offer laws to protect
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
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right
Replace the word
rights
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. On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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, family and school have a significant role
across
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in
show examples
this
Linking Words
issue,
such
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as
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
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them about
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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for
Change preposition
of
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paid work.
For example
Linking Words
, the childhood work system in China, which
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
many advantages for the population and alleviates
households
Check wording
households'
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economic pressures
On the other hand
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, the early working may
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
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some risks, especially among
children
Use synonyms
and young adults. It is
also
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possible to say that some social complications around the world are occurring
due to
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this
Linking Words
trend.
As a result
Linking Words
, some
youngers
Use the right word
young people
show examples
fell
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
drugs because
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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of
parents
Replace the word
parental
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oversights
Fix the agreement mistake
oversight
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.
Furthermore
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, the crime rate
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
increasing in some nations
due to
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spread
Correct article usage
the spread
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
everywhere, and they
available
Replace the word
are willing
show examples
to do anything to receive the money.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
violating
Correct word choice
violent
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cases happened in African countries against
children
Use synonyms
who were embracing
this
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idea. In conclusion, there are no easy answers for
this
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question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to consider that the governments should provide all possibilities to protect
children
Use synonyms
.

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task
State a clear view at the start and keep it in all your ideas.
coherence
Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence and use linking words to join ideas.
coherence
Give specific and true examples; avoid broad or wrong facts.
structure
There is a plan to discuss both sides of the topic.
conclusion
There is a close end that shows the writer's view.
content
The writer tries to use examples in the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

What to do next:
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