IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think it’s beneficial for children to do paid work, while others think it can be harmful for children. What are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing paid work?

There is no denying the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
early
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to gain life experience.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held
believe
Replace the word
belief
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 that it has many drawbacks on both
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation and societies, there is an argument that it has positive impacts on
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
analyze
Change the spelling
analyse
show examples
 both
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 trend. On one hand, working early has
pivotal
Correct article usage
a pivotal
show examples
 role in
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
In other words
Linking Words
, it contributes to
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 self-reliance and personality growth.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can get
financially
Replace the word
financial
show examples
 independence through paid work, and bring greater success in
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 future
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the government and all
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 authorities should offer laws to protect
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
right
Replace the word
rights
show examples
. On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, family and school have a significant role
across
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue,
such
Linking Words
 as
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
 them about
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 paid work.
For example
Linking Words
, the childhood work system in China, which
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 many advantages for the population and alleviates
households
Check wording
households'
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 economic pressures
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the early working may
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 some risks, especially among
children
Use synonyms
 and young adults. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that some social complications around the world are occurring
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend.
As a result
Linking Words
, some
youngers
Use the right word
young people
show examples
 fell
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 drugs because
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
parents
Replace the word
parental
show examples
oversights
Fix the agreement mistake
oversight
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the crime rate
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing in some nations
due to
Linking Words
spread
Correct article usage
the spread
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
 everywhere, and they
available
Replace the word
are willing
show examples
 to do anything to receive the money.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
violating
Correct word choice
violent
show examples
 cases happened in African countries against
children
Use synonyms
 who were embracing
this
Linking Words
 idea. In conclusion, there are no easy answers for
this
Linking Words
 question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, I tend to consider that the governments should provide all possibilities to protect
children
Use synonyms
.

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task
State a clear view at the start and keep it in all your ideas.
coherence
Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence and use linking words to join ideas.
coherence
Give specific and true examples; avoid broad or wrong facts.
structure
There is a plan to discuss both sides of the topic.
conclusion
There is a close end that shows the writer's view.
content
The writer tries to use examples in the essay.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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