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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Jenny is conducting a research project on cell phone use. The chart shows the percentage of students, and parents of students, at Jenny’s school who owned cell phone over a 14 year period. The table provides the cell phone ownership rate nationwide over the same timeframe. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Jenny is conducting a research project on cell phone use. The chart shows the percentage of students, and parents of students, at Jenny’s school who owned cell phone over a 14 year period. The table provides the cell phone ownership rate nationwide over the same timeframe. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The data depict the share of
students
Use synonyms
 and their
parents
Use synonyms
 at a school who had a mobile phone from 2002 to 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that both groups within the
analyzed
Change the spelling
analysed
show examples
 sample increased their proportion throughout the given period, with the
students
Use synonyms
 having reduced the gap with their
parents
Use synonyms
 over the
last
Linking Words
 four years. Regarding the nationwide participation of people who possess a mobile phone, an increasing trend is
also
Linking Words
 observed between 2012 and 2016.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 experienced slow growth from 2002 to 2006, oscillating approximately between 0 and 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 experienced slightly faster growth, going from just below 50 per
cent
Use synonyms
 to around 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Over the next six years, both segments showed the same leaping rate, carrying
students
Use synonyms
 from approximately 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 to just below 25 per
cent
Use synonyms
, whilst
parents
Use synonyms
' share rose from 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
 to just over 75 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In the
last
Linking Words
 four years of the studied period,
students
Use synonyms
 exhibited a dramatic jump in their pace, reaching nearly 75 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 maintained the same changing rate throughout the period and reached a share of around 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Likewise
Linking Words
, the nationwide
portion
Use the right word
proportion
show examples
 of people who have their own mobile phone has increased from 60 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2002 to 96 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2016.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, parents, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
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