IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The maps below show a science park in 2008 and the same park today

The maps below show a science park in 2008 and the same park today
The maps below illustrate the appearance of the science park before and after the development, comparing 2008 until currently.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that the layout and design have been totally changed and re-landscaped.
However
Linking Words
, the positions of some elements remain unchanged , including the offices, the
carpark
Use the right word
car park
show examples
, and the road. In 2008, the centre of the park is the car park,
along with
Linking Words
 certain main departments: cyber security, IT centre, business units, offices and reception. The
cyber security
Use the right word
cybersecurity
show examples
 and the It centre are located south, which has a railway connecting to the Business Units, where grassland is behind.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is a railway that connects the offices and reception to the road. At present, several notable changes have been introduced.There are certain facilities that have been added,
such
Linking Words
 as the CyCle Path, the bus stop, and the railway.
Moreover
Linking Words
, The Research and development has replaced the grassland. Cybersecurity is extended.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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