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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays families are not as close as they used to be. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to make families close?

In modern society, families have become less close to each other
due to
Linking Words
 a number of reasons. I strongly believe that
work
Use synonyms
-life balance and technological advancement
probably
Verb problem
are probably
show examples
 the major factors to blame. There are,
however
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,
also
Linking Words
 several efficient remedies to address
this
Linking Words
 tendency,
such
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 as new
work
Use synonyms
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 by governments and community activities by individuals. First and foremost reason for
this
Linking Words
 development might be overloaded
work
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 almost every citizen
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 facing today. As working
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 are getting more and more competitive, employers
demanding
Verb problem
are demanding
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from
Change preposition
that
show examples
 their employees
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be
24
Correct word choice
available 24
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 hours available,
as well as
Linking Words
 demonstrate perfect results.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
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 imposing individuals
to
Verb problem
are forced to
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 extremely hard and achieve tasks under unrealistic deadlines, in order
maintaining
Verb problem
to maintain
show examples
 their position at their workplace.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, people are likely experiencing a huge burnout and would not find enough
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with their
familiy
Correct your spelling
family
 members.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
todays
Check wording
today's
show examples
 technology-focused world, everyone,
specially
Use the right word
especially
show examples
 young generations,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 mostly engaged with their electronic devices
instead
Linking Words
 of spending their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 with their
closed
Correct word choice
close
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 ones.
As a result
Linking Words
, they have become isolated from their relatives
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
worsening
Wrong verb form
worsens
show examples
 relations and family bonds. Fortunately, there are measures to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem and
this
Linking Words
 can be
solve
Wrong verb form
solved
show examples
 on both at governmental and
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
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 individual level. At
governmental
Correct article usage
the governmental
show examples
 level, one
workible
Correct your spelling
workable
 method is introducing
work
Use synonyms
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 on reducing long
work
Use synonyms
 hours or even
week days
Use the right word
weekdays
show examples
, which will significantly mitigate the
time
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on professional matters.
This
Linking Words
 would make
easy
Correct pronoun usage
it easy
show examples
 for individuals to find adequate
time
Use synonyms
 being engage with their families and relatives,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which I mean would positively impact their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. On an individual level, people and neighbours should try to
organize
Change the spelling
organise
show examples
 community activities or events, which would gather all family members and enjoy their leisure
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 would likely
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
encourage them to interact more with one another. In conclusion, it seems to appear that in
todays fast
Correct your spelling
today's
paced
Use the right word
fast-paced
show examples
 world, long
work
Use synonyms
 hours and technological developments are worsening the family relations.
However
Linking Words
, with the
regulationes
Correct your spelling
regulations
 introduced by governments and with community
engagement
Add a comma
engagement,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem could
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
probably lessen the
affects
Use the right word
effects
show examples
 of
this
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 issue.

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task
Task response covers causes and remedies, but add more detail and clear examples to support ideas.
coherence
structure
Clear structure with an intro, body and conclusion.
content
Treats both sides of the issue and offers a plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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