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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below provides information about student accommodation at one US university in 2013

The chart below provides information about student accommodation at one US university in 2013
The bar chart illustrates where undergraduate and graduate
students
Use synonyms
 stayed in 2013
in
Change preposition
at
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 a US university.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 lived in the university dormitory,
while
Linking Words
 most
graduates
Use synonyms
 shared apartments.
Conversely
Linking Words
, a small number of
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 were in the married
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students
Check wording
students'
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 housing, and
the
Correct article usage
a
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 minority of
graduates
Use synonyms
 stayed with their parents.
Use synonyms
Students
Check wording
Students'
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 dormitory was the most popular choice of accommodation for undergraduate
students
Use synonyms
 because it was chosen by 4000
students
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, about 4000 and 1000 undergraduate and graduate
students
Use synonyms
, respectively, lived in shared apartments. The number of graduate
students
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 who preferred to stay in their own properties was higher than
the
Correct article usage
that
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Use synonyms
Change preposition
of undergraduates'
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undergraduates'
Check wording
undergraduates
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,
for instance
Linking Words
, nearly 1000
graduates
Use synonyms
 lived in their own apartments,
while
Linking Words
 only 500
undergraduates
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 did so.
the
Fix capitalization
The
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 proportion of
graduates
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 who stayed in their own houses was higher as well, almost double the total of
undergraduates
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 who chose the same accommodation.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, undergraduates, graduates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 4 times.
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