IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As well as making money, businesses should also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree

One
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 of the most controversial issues is whether
businesses
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 should take
responsibility
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 in
society
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. Some people tend to believe
companies
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devote
Wrong verb form
are devoted
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social
responsibility
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 that can raise social welfare,
others
Correct word choice
while others
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 support the main
reason
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 for corporations is profits. I personally believe
businesses
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 should take
responsibility
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 for
society
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain my
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reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 and provide my
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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opinion. The main
reason
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 for believing
this
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 is that
businesses
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 play a crucial role in the development and
responsibility
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 of
society
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.
Companies
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’ actions and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 often influence the general public.
To begin
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 with,
businesses
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 are seeking potential
talents
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talent
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 through cooperation between
companies
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 and academies.
Therefore
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,
one
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 of the
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companies’
Check wording
company’s
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 duties is
education
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. When a business dedicates into
education
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,
such
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 as in rural areas, it can provide students with more opportunities to access
education
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, and
then
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 those learners can contribute to
society
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 and the company as well.
In addition
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, it might promote equality of
education
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 for all students. Another compelling
reason
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 is that
one
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 of the responsibilities of
businesses
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 is taking care of elderly people.
This
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 is because every aged person is significant in our
society
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.
Hence
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,
companies
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 should
organize
Change the spelling
organise
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 volunteer activities and raise funds for them.
Companies
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 leading by example are a vital part of business,
while
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 the general public and other
businesses
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 might follow them and create a harmonious and friendly environment in our
society
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. In conclusion, I personally believe
businesses
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’ duty is to provide a positive environment and lead people to follow them, as I think
businesses
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 should have social
responsibility
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.

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content planning
Plan your essay. Start with a clear view in the intro, then give 2 or 3 main points with clear links, and end with a short conclusion.
paragraphing
Try to use one idea in each paragraph. Each paragraph should have one main point and a short explain.
grammar
Choose simple, exact words and fix small grammar. For example, replace 'dedicates into' with 'invests in' and 'aged person' with 'elderly person'.
idea
You show a clear view that business must have social responsibility.
content
You give two main ideas (education and care for the elderly).
coherence
You use link words to show flow of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
What to do next:
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