Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people contend that
drama
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,
art
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and
music
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classes
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are very crucial at
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
show examples
level, along
all
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with all
show examples
other
school
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subjects
such
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as numeracy, science, humanities, and history. I totally agree with
this
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opinion, and
this
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essay will argue how
drama
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,
art
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and
music
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classes
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enhance various
professionals
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professionals'
show examples
awareness and develop collaborative skills among primary
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school going
Use the right word
school-going
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children. My primary concern with
this
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opinion is that
music
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,
art
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and
drama
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classes
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support
students
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to find and select their interesting fields. At
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
show examples
level,
for instance
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, some
students
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
may not be interested in science or history books.
Such
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students
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can either be more involved in artwork, or can be indulged
into
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in
show examples
the acting or singing fields. If they do use their creative skills under a qualified teaching professional, they will
be benefited
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benefit
show examples
Linking Words
this
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from this
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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in
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throughout
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their whole life, as they can continue
this
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as their
desire
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desired
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profession in future.
In addition
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to
this
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, acting,
music
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and
art
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fields increase
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students
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students'
show examples
group work participation. At
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
school
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learning stage, sometimes,
students
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face difficulties in making friends.
Consequently
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, they may face anxiety or stress of being alone. I presume that because of
drama
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and
music
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classes
Add a comma
classes,
show examples
a group of
students
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work together on their
music
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or
drama
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projects;
hence
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, they become less isolated.
This
Linking Words
collaboration skill will not only improve their mental health but
also
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support them in future in performing group work tasks. In conclusion, I completely agree that children at primary
school
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must be enrolled in
art
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,
music
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and
drama
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classes
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to ensure that they are aware
about
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of
show examples
all careers.
Additionally
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, they are becoming more
socialise
Wrong verb form
socialised
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being
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by being
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part of
drama
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and
music
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clubs.

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content
Make your view clear at the start and end. Restate your main point in the conclusion.
examples
Give one clear example for each reason and keep it simple.
structure
Use easy link words to connect ideas and start each paragraph with a topic line.
grammar
Check small grammar mistakes to make the read easy.
content
Your clear view is seen and kept through the essay.
content
You try to show how drama and art help kids at school.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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