IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people are often influenced by their peers? Do the advantages of peers outweigh the disadvantages?

Those around us
,
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apply
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 often reflect who we are and what we aspire to as
people
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. Young
people
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 are largely influenced by their
peers
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. Personally, I think
this
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 has more cons than pros, since many young
people
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 seek the approval of their friends without thinking about the consequences. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the reasons that support my opinion.
First,
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most young
people
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 and adolescents do not yet figure out who they are, what they endorse and what they don't. Many mistakes are made along
this
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 path, and their social environment conditions and influences them.
For example
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, a psychological study showed that young
people
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 between the ages of 11 and 17 have a strong need for recognition, and
instead
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 of seeking it from their family, they seek it from their
peers
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.
However
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, being influenced doesn't have to be necessarily a bad thing.
For example
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, if you hang out with studious
people
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, you'll probably study harder, and they'll influence you positively.
Although
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 ideally, one should always act in accordance with one's principles, young
people
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 are shaped by their
peers
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, even without
realizing
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realising
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 it, because
as
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As
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 with their families, their history and experiences make them who they are. In conclusion, the influence of
peers
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 on youth is neither good nor bad in itself, but rather depends on the environment that influences them. Young
people
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, since their principles are not clearly defined, will be influenced by their social circle.

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task response
Be clear on your view in the intro and restate it in the conclusion. This helps the reader see your main point fast.
coherence and cohesion
Add more ideas on both good and bad effects. Use 1 main idea per paragraph to keep a clean flow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words (and, but, also, so) to move ideas smoothly. Have a clear paragraph for each idea.
content
Give more concrete examples. One study is good, but name or describe a simple example to help truth.
lexical resource
Try to use common words. Avoid long, hard words that are not needed.
stance
The writer shows a clear view and keeps it through the essay.
example
There is a real example about peers looking for recognition.
structure
Intro and conclusion exist and give basic structure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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