IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Unemployment leads to a rise in crime in many countries.why?how to solve this problem？

Nowadays, the trend of
unemployment
Use synonyms
 is more and more serious, one of the negative impacts
Correct word order
that followed
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followed
Wrong verb form
follows
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 is
that
Correct word order
apply
show examples
the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in crime in numerous nations. Following is my perspective and solution.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, as the number of
Use synonyms
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
 is rising, more and more
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 are impoverished for the reason that the main
labour
Use the right word
labourer
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 in a family
lose
Correct subject-verb agreement
loses
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 their
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
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 and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 no source to earn
money
Check wording
income
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 is
potential
Correct article usage
a potential
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 that they will rob or steal
others
Change preposition
from others
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, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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a
Correct article usage
an
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 appearance of crime.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if someone leaves
from
Change preposition
apply
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a high operating post where
can
Correct pronoun usage
they can
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 provide them
esteem
Change preposition
with esteem
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 from other people, they may lose faith and form
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 unhealthy and abnormal mental which will lead them to embark on the road of delinquency.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is vital for us to handle
this
Linking Words
 severe issue. As far as I am concerned, there are several ways to solve it.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should take the responsibility to provide welfare for those who are unemployed.
For example
Linking Words
, the institution can offer them
subsidy
Correct article usage
a subsidy
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 which can guarantee their fundamental life. In China, there
are
Verb problem
is are
show examples
 basic living allowance provided to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people without capable to work. As long as the citizens can not be defeated by the physical conditions, they may live peacefully.
In addition
Linking Words
, the corporation should create more opportunities to work,
such
Linking Words
 as increasing posts. Offering recommendation letters is necessary for those who want to apply for another job. So decreasing the rate of
unemployment
Use synonyms
 is essential to avoid crime. In conclusion, there are significant adverse impacts because of
unemployment
Use synonyms
, one of the most serious
one
Fix the agreement mistake
ones
show examples
 is that delinquency is going up constantly.
However
Linking Words
, we should do everything to prevent
this
Linking Words
 problem. The government and corporations are supposed to
take
Verb problem
fulfil
show examples
 their duties.

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task response
State your main view clearly at the start and keep all ideas tied to this view. Add 2 strong ideas with clear proof or example.
coherence
Make the essay structure clear: intro, 2 or 3 body parts, and a short conclusion.
coherence
Each paragraph should have one main idea; use a topic sentence and a closing tie sentence.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like: first, next, also, but, so. This helps flow.
task response
Choose examples that fit the point. Avoid long extra info; keep to the task.
content
You talk about why unemployment can lead to crime and give a wish to fix it.
structure
There is a conclusion that ends the essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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