IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

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People
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 have different views about the value of
information
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 sharing.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that some
information
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 should not
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share
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be shared
show examples
 freely, others argue that the
information
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 of technical, business,
educational
Correct word choice
and educational
show examples
research
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able to
Verb problem
should be shared
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share
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 on platforms. In my opinion, I support the latter
viwe
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view
. On the one hand, some
people
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 think that the
information
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unable
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is unable
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 to
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share
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be shared
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 freely. The main argument is that the original author worry about the
research
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 may be
copy
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copied
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 if it access easy. Specifically, anyone can use
data
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 and
research
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 on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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.
For instance
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, some students doing
project
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a project
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 will use online
data
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 without
metion
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mentioning
 the original researcher.
As a result
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, a large number of
researcher
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researchers
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 will avoid
update
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updating
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information
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 or only
share
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 part of informations.
On the other hand
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, I agree with those who argue that it is good to
share
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 some
information
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 as technical, business,
educational
Correct word choice
and educational
show examples
research
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on
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, on
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 platforms.
This
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 is because
those
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that
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data
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 may help others
on
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in
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 different
area
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areas
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.
Furthermore
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, many scientists will search
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data
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for data
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 and paper who already
do it
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been done
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. The
information
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 may
able
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be able
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 to help them to do
research
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.
For example
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, when
product
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a product
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 designer design the project
that
Punctuation problem
,
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 online informations are able to let them know similar ideas, stakeholders,
apperance
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appearance
...
Punctuation problem
,
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etc.
Those
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That
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research
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 would help
designer
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designers
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 to do a
batter
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better
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 object. In conclusion,
although
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 I
acknoeledge
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acknowledge
 that the
information
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 should not
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share
Wrong verb form
be shared
show examples
 easily, I firmly believe that
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share a
Wrong verb form
sharing
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 particular
information
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 is good for
people
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.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why some people do not want to share information, and why others want to share it.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main idea very clear in each body paragraph. Put one clear topic sentence first.
task response
Support each main point with a simple and clear example. Your examples are relevant, but they need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way, like 'on the one hand', 'on the other hand', 'for example', and 'as a result'.
task response
Explain your opinion in a stronger way. In the second paragraph, say exactly why sharing information helps science, business, and study.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar because some sentences are hard to follow. Clear sentences will improve flow.
task response
You answered the question and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples about students, researchers, and designers.
coherence and cohesion
You used basic linking words to show both sides.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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