IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
 days, most people are supposed to leave their relatives and peers in order to
work
Use synonyms
 in
whether
Change preposition
apply
show examples
high paid
Use the right word
high-paid
show examples
 workplaces. In my view, it is a negative development
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I will explain my views in
this
Linking Words
 essay. Most population are becoming migrants, having their own reasons. The main factor for
this
Linking Words
 consequence , which contributed to
this
Linking Words
problem
Punctuation problem
problem,
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 is not finding appropriate jobs in their own country. The quantity of
work
Use synonyms
 is plummeting
due to
Linking Words
 the
new
Replace the word
newly
show examples
 developed technologies.
According to
Linking Words
 the BBC news, almost 40% of
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
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 lose their jobs because of automated machines brought to factories. These machines are both beneficial and effortless. Most executives prefer them.
As a result
Linking Words
, a high number of workers are forced to find other ways to feed their children.
For instance
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 Uzbekistan, the poverty rate is increasing day by day. As mentioned, to shoulder the responsibility of sustaining the household, most of them migrate to Moscow by working as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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builders to lend money to their family. Most individuals prefer it cause the salaries are way more than in Uzbekistan.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, to overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue , the government should provide different
work
Use synonyms
 for the residents of the particular states, making both countries well-known and boosting
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 reputation. In China, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 no
any
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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taxes and people can set up a business by standing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own property.
Additionally
Linking Words
, most of the businesses are family businesses which is run by the whole family. That both strengthen the
relation
Replace the word
relationship
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 of the folks and raise the financial status In conclusion, if the government creates an opportunity for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals to
work
Use synonyms
 in their
borned
Correct your spelling
home
 country, they would contribute to the happiness and strong relationships of the family

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task
Show both sides. Say if advantages win or not. Give clear reason and a final line that says your view.
coherence
Make ideas flow. Plan one idea per paragraph. Use easy linking words like first, also, but, however, so. Connect ideas to the main point.
task
Clear view that moving for work is not good.
coherence
Some real examples are used (Uzbekistan, Moscow).
layout
There is a final line that ends the talk.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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