IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Although
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 some people contend that
children
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 must be
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
 about how they can be a good member of society at
school
Use synonyms
, others presume that it
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 be the
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 responsibility to teach
this
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.
This
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 essay will argue both these viewpoints in detail, and will shed light on my opinion that
parents
Use synonyms
 must be responsible for that because they are the role models for their
Use synonyms
children’s
Check wording
children
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. On the one hand, because of educational work, activities and professional teachers,
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school’s
Check wording
schools
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 are considered
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 places to teach students how to become a good person. On
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
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basis
Add a comma
basis,
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 they wear uniform, go to
school
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, attend classes,
communicate
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and communicate
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 respectfully with teachers and peers. Indeed,
due to
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 educational institutions
students
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, students
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 become more organised, responsible and behave respectfully.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 must learn good manners and ethics from their
parents
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 because they spend most of their time with them.
Children
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 spend only 7 to 8 hours at
school
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, and
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
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 not only
rest
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the rest
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 of the day but
also
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 in
school
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 holidays,
weekend
Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
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, and public holidays
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 stay with
parents
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.
This
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 ensures that by listening
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parents
Change preposition
to parents
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, respecting and supporting them in daily
Correct your spelling
activities
activites
Punctuation problem
activites,
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children
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 learn to behave and act ethically. In my opinion,
parents
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 are the role models for their kids;
hence
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,
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children’s
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children
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 watch their actions and follow them.
For instance
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, in Pakistan,
famous
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the famous
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 Ludo player
name
Replace the word
named
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 Ali did his schooling online. Now, he is considered a good person in society because he has seen his
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
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 actions as direction, and
act
Correct subject-verb agreement
acts
show examples
 upon them
accordingly
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. In conclusion, even though schools play a crucial role in teaching students
being
Wrong verb form
to be
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 organised, kids follow their
parents
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foot
Check wording
'
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prints
Use the right word
footprints
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 because they are
inspiration
Correct article usage
an inspiration
show examples
 for them. In my opinion,
parents
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 must look for more
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s actions and behaviours.

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language
Fix grammar and spelling errors. Use short and clear sentences.
structure
Make one idea in one paragraph. Start with a topic sentence and end with a simple point.
content
Give better examples from real life or facts, not weak or odd ones.
content
Clear view is shown and the plan is easy to follow.
structure
Use 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to show sides.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
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