IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government should spend more money on sport facilities for top athletes. Others argue that this money should be spent on sports facilities for ordinary people. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is argued by some that the government should invest more in
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 for professional sportsmen,
whereas
Linking Words
 others hold
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 idea that
this
Linking Words
fund
Use synonyms
 should be used on
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 for mundane
people
Use synonyms
. I am of the opinion that the
governments
Use synonyms
 should support and
fund
Use synonyms
 ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 in
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, top
athletes
Use synonyms
 represent their country in international
sports
Use synonyms
 competitions; especially, being successful in
world cups
Fix capitalization
World Cups
show examples
 or
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
Fix capitalization
Games
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 really important for
athletes
Use synonyms
’ careers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they need to
Use synonyms
fund
Verb problem
focus
show examples
 on their branch because they have to train with professional equipment and professional
facilities
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 should spend money on
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 for top
athletes
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, not only
they
Verb problem
do they
show examples
 represent their country but
also
Linking Words
 they can
reach easily
Correct word order
easily reach
show examples
 opportunities at professional standards.
For example
Linking Words
, having easy access to an Olympic swimming pool is crucial for a professional swimmer’s accomplishment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, professional sportsmen can find financial supporters rather than ordinary
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a company which produces sportswear or special foods and supplements for sportsmen may sponsor
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
athletes
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, ordinary
people
Use synonyms
 might not benefit from all
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 without financial support. Specifically, children or young
people
Use synonyms
 who are talented but
have
Verb problem
come from
show examples
 poor families should be encouraged and financed by
Correct article usage
the states
show examples
states
Fix the agreement mistake
state
show examples
. Hereby,
governments
Use synonyms
 may both find new talents and mundane
people
Use synonyms
 can have a chance to become
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 in the future.
As a result
Linking Words
,
governments
Use synonyms
 may provide free or affordable
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 to ordinary
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that states should
Use synonyms
fund
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 more money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 professional
athletes
Use synonyms
, it seems to me that they should spend more money on
sports
Use synonyms
 opportunities for
people
Use synonyms
 who cannot afford to access those
facilities
Use synonyms
.

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coherence
Use more linking words to connect ideas. Phrases like also, but, and, in addition can help flow.
task response
Give a little more detail in each main point. A short fact or example each time will help.
task response
Make the conclusion restate your view and briefly sum up the main ideas.
content
Clear view is given in the end.
structure
The essay discusses both sides, not just one.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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