IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many students now work whilst they are studying in college or university. This often results in them having les time to concentrate on their as well as feeling under pressure. what are some of the causes of this ? what solutions could you suggest?

It is considered that
pupils
Check wording
pupils'
show examples
 work during their time at the university is stressful, and it can make them less likely to focus on their courses.
This
Linking Words
 essay will delve
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
into this
show examples
 issue and provide
solutions
Use synonyms
 on how to deal with it. At the outset, one of the major causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem is that college fees can be costly.
This
Linking Words
 is because schools have to pay a tremendous amount of money to provide a
high quality
Use the right word
high-quality
show examples
 education, so the
adminstrations
Correct your spelling
administrations
 will rely on the
students
Use synonyms
 to cover that cost. Another significant reason is that pupils need to gain
experience
Use synonyms
 through working. Many young people are enthusiastic about venturing
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the market and start gaining
experience
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 they are pursuing their studies, so they try to find
occupation
Correct article usage
an occupation
show examples
 that can provide
such
Linking Words
 knowledge and
experience
Use synonyms
 for themselves.
Although
Linking Words
 community should find
solutions
Use synonyms
 to reduce the stress
that is
Linking Words
 being levied on the
students
Use synonyms
. One of the main
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 is that universities must reduce their fees.The monetary status has always been the major reason for
this
Linking Words
 issue, so to resolve
it
Punctuation problem
it,
show examples
 the
adminstrations
Correct your spelling
administrations
 need to deduct parts of their fees.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
students
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 are going to be able to afford going to
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 without having to do additional work. Another main solution is
provide
Verb problem
to provide
show examples
 local occupations for the attendants
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 less demanding. Sometimes
Use synonyms
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 work is inevitable, so if the officials created jobs that are more suitable for
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 young people,
this
Linking Words
 will make them focus more on their studies.
To conclude
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, young people working
while
Linking Words
 they are studying at the university can be stressful, but there are many
solutions
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 that can relieve
students
Use synonyms
 from
this
Linking Words
experience
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay discussed the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 obstacle and provided
solutions
Use synonyms
 for it.

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structure
Make your aim clear in the first lines and keep one idea for each paragraph. Start with a short sentence that tells the main point of the paragraph, then add one or two details.
coherence
Use simple links to show how ideas go together, for example, 'First', 'Next', 'Also', 'However'.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Use 'students' not 'pupils'. Correct 'adminstrations' to 'administrations' or 'universities'. Keep verbs simple and correct.
content
Give one or two real examples or facts to back a point. This makes your argument stronger.
lexis
Keep most words to the top 100. Do not use long or tricky words; try to use short and clear notes.
content
The essay tries to cover causes and fixes.
form
There is a clear plan with intro, body, and close.
style
Some sentences are easy to read and ideas are clear.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial independence
  • employability
  • time management
  • academic performance
  • flexible scheduling
  • financial aid
  • scholarship opportunities
  • internship programs
  • on-campus job opportunities
  • stress relief
What to do next:
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