IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security, while some people think that they cannot always expect job satisfaction, a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While
Linking Words
 some individuals argue that a sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 at work is more essential than employment security, others consider that securing a formal occupation is better than career
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
. In today's world, both views are a subject of debate among
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generations.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and provide my own opinion. Supporters of professional
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 claim that working on passion and finding work that allows work-life balance is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of the happiness factors in life.
For example
Linking Words
, freelancers and entrepreneurs argue that flexible
hours
Use synonyms
 are more valuable than devoting excessive
hours
Use synonyms
 in the office. Their leisure time can be used for family bonding or learning new skills.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the opponents argue that a permanent position will be useful and more stable for
old-age
Use the right word
old
show examples
life
Check wording
age
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in some countries, public servants have become a dream job
due to
Linking Words
 future certainty. People who become civil servants have a steady income,
old-age
Correct article usage
an old-age
show examples
 allowance, and job security.
However
Linking Words
, they must do ordinary duties with strict regulations
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as inflexible working
hours
Use synonyms
 and wearing uniforms in some
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
. Taking everything into consideration, I think that both perspectives are valid and have their own weaknesses and strengths. Personally, I tend to choose an occupation that allows me to enhance my passion and have flexible
hours
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 era, people
still can
Correct word order
can still
show examples
 earn money without having to do continuous employment,
such
Linking Words
 as working from the office from
nine-to-five
Use the right word
nine to five
show examples
. Many side hustles offer flexibility in time and place.
However
Linking Words
, for people who like a task
that is
Linking Words
organized
Change the spelling
organised
show examples
 and has solid benefits, a stable profession is suitable for them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your view clear in the opening and repeat it in the end. This helps the reader see your stance.
coherence
Link ideas with clear chain words; use words like 'also', 'however', 'for example' to show connection.
examples
Give more examples that are easy and related to job life. Prefer simple, everyday terms.
grammar
Keep sentences short and plain to avoid mistakes.
structure
Use the same idea in every paragraph to stay on topic.
content
The essay discusses both views and presents a personal opinion.
structure
There is a clear structure with introduction, body and conclusion.
content
There are examples that support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • job
  • work
  • happy
  • enjoy
  • like
  • feel good
  • safe
  • steady
  • money
  • pay
  • income
  • plan
  • life
  • family
  • health
  • stress
  • risk
  • grow
  • learn
  • skill
  • future
  • balance
  • choice
  • option
  • example
  • in my view
  • on the other hand
  • therefore
  • early
  • later
What to do next:
Look at other essays: