IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say parent should encourage their children to participate in team activities in the free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss and give your opinion.

إليك النسخة المعدلة: It is indisputable that
parents
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 should push their
kids
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 to join group
activities
Use synonyms
 in their free time,
while
Linking Words
 others think it is important for
children
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 to rely on themselves and occupy
on
Correct pronoun usage
themselves on
show examples
 their own.
This
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 essay will examine the topic from both perspectives and present my opinion.
Initially
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,
children
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 should join team
activities
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 from a young age.
Parents
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 must give their
kids
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 the opportunity to discover the world through these kinds of participation.
In other words
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,
kids
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with
Change preposition
of
show examples
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 age do not know their abilities or where to start. Helping your kid for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
 will not make them a spoiled child. The opposite,
this
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 will
opin
Correct your spelling
open
 their eyes
on
Change preposition
to
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 things that they did not know it was existed, and it will encourage them to search for more, even without any help.
For instance
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, most of the
kids
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 who
appea
Correct your spelling
appear
 on TV or take parts in many shows are
kids
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 who got used to
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 these
veriety
Correct your spelling
variety
 of programs by their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 recommendation since they were
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small
kids
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; now, after they got
biger
Correct your spelling
bigger
, they are aware of
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 environment.
Anothr
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Another
 important aspect is that giving
kids
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 these chances could help with developing the social and
cultur
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cultural
 skills. That
it
Use the right word
is
show examples
 to say,
children
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 who
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mainly participate in team
activities
Use synonyms
 have self-confidence
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their abilities. They will know how to deal with every
circumstances
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstance
show examples
 they face.
For example
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, I compared
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
girl
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 who is used to these kinds of
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
, and a
girl
Use synonyms
 who has never joined one, and the difference was huge. First
girl
Use synonyms
 is a strong,
indipendance
Correct your spelling
independent
 and
social
Replace the word
socially
show examples
 smart, who knows how to deal with
every thing
Use the right word
everything
show examples
 going on. The other
girl
Use synonyms
 is a weak
girl
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 who constantly depends on her
parents
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 and has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social anxiety. In conclusion,
this
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 issue is complex and does not have a straightforward answer.
Overall
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, I hold the view that
parents
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 encouraging their
children
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 to participate in team
activities
Use synonyms
 in their free time have more advantages than letting
children
Use synonyms
 handle things independently.

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language
Check grammar and spelling. Fix misused words and common mistakes.
structure
Make a short plan before writing: one paragraph for each view and a clear ending.
language
Use simple, clear words. Use short sentences and avoid long phrases.
content
Give one or two small, real examples to show your point.
task response
The writer shows a clear view and a closing idea.
content
Both sides are shown in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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