IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People are having more and more sugar-based drinks. What are the reasons? What are the solutions to make people drink less?

Nowadays, residents are drinking more and more sugar-based
drinks
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 action
caused
Verb problem
is caused
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 by many reasons and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 many ways to solve. On the one hand, it's a
lots
Fix the agreement mistake
lot
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 of occasions for the subjects. The first reason is
because
Change preposition
that
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 there are so many types of
drinks
Use synonyms
 on the market. Cityzen have so many options to buy and
drink
Use synonyms
, which inadvertently leads to people gradually not liking to
drink
Use synonyms
 water.
Besides
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, there are so many types of
drinks
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 on the market today, diverse in types,
colors
Change the spelling
colours
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 and
flavors
Change the spelling
flavours
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.
For example
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, in recent years, the number of new
drink
Use synonyms
 products launched has increased by 15%. The second reason is that the
drinks
Use synonyms
 are sold at low prices and are easily accessible to all ages.
For instance
Linking Words
, sugary
drinks
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 in Vietnam are sold at low prices
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as Coca Cola sold for only 10,000 VND, Red Dragon energy
drink
Use synonyms
 sold for 5,000 VND
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 are very popular in convenience stores nationwide.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many solutions to
this
Linking Words
 problem.
First,
Linking Words
we need to raise awareness among students in schools. We need to educate about the diseases that sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
 can cause
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as diabetes, high cholesterol and if consumed in excess, can cause cancer. The second reason is that the government can increase the tax on sugary
drinks
Use synonyms
. When the tax is increased, the price of these products will be raised, thereby limiting the number of buyers and
limiting
Verb problem
apply
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the amount consumed. In short, we need to raise people's awareness of the harmful effects of consuming too many sugary
drinks
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 and find solutions to limit the consumption of these products.

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task response
Make your answer clear. Say your main view at the start and end with a clear answer.
coherence
Make ideas flow well. Start each paragraph with a simple statement and use linking words like also, but, so, therefore.
grammar
Use simple grammar. Check articles, plural forms, and word order.
content
Add more real facts and more plan ideas for the future.
structure
There is a plan with a problem and steps to take.
organization
You use First and Second to show steps.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar-based
  • drinks
  • taste
  • refreshing
  • enjoyable
  • marketing
  • advertise
  • cool
  • desirable
  • energy
  • tired
  • boost
  • social events
  • gatherings
  • parties
  • celebrations
  • choose
  • quick
  • common
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