IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that advancements in technology have significantly improved work efficiency, allowing individuals and businesses to achieve more in less time. Others argue that technology is a major cause of job loss, as automation and artificial intelligence replace human labor. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

With the advancement in
technology
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
it has
show examples
 significantly improved, helping
people
Use synonyms
 and companies fix their problems immediately and achieve more tasks;
on the other hand
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 are afraid
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with the artificial intelligence become popular, many traditional
workers
Use synonyms
 will be replaced by it. I will discuss both sides of
this
Linking Words
 issue and conclude by explaining my own view.
Technology
Use synonyms
 is truly making us improve our working
efficient
Replace the word
efficiency
show examples
. modern tools and skills,
for instance
Linking Words
,
auto producting
Correct your spelling
auto-producing
 skills and business administration apps can help us employ fewer
workers
Use synonyms
 in our
company
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 higher our
company
Use synonyms
's productivity.
Besides
Linking Words
, FaceTime's quick development makes us cooperate with
people
Use synonyms
 who are in any country or anywhere. Those
Use synonyms
technology
Fix the agreement mistake
technologies
show examples
can help us employ fewer
workers
Use synonyms
 in our
company
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 higher our
company
Use synonyms
's productivity.
However
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
's development
also
Linking Words
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 some hidden worries. Many traditional
workers
Use synonyms
 will be replaced by it,
such
Linking Words
us
Use the right word
as
show examples
 the
workers
Use synonyms
 who work in
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
 stores or
supermarkets's
Check wording
supermarkets
show examples
counter
Fix the agreement mistake
counters
show examples
, and
also
Linking Words
 the
workers
Use synonyms
 who build the
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
. It seems to me that, I think
technology
Use synonyms
 has a two-sided impact.With the advancement in
technology
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
it has
show examples
 significantly improved, helping
people
Use synonyms
 and companies fix their problems immediately and achieve more tasks;
on the other hand
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 are afraid
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with the artificial intelligence become popular, many traditional
workers
Use synonyms
 will be replaced by it. I will discuss both sides of
this
Linking Words
 issue and conclude by explaining my own view.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

organization
Plan your essay with a simple map: one short intro, two body parts for each side, and a short conclusion.
language
Use small linking words to show calm change: but, however, also, so. Keep one idea in each sentence.
grammar
Check grammar. Make subject and verb match and use full stops well.
content
Give one clear example for the idea you talk about.
content
The essay tries to show both sides of the topic.
content
There are some real examples such as FaceTime that show how tech can help work.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: