IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

It is highly debated that primary and secondary schools have two months or more
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
summer
vacations
Fix the agreement mistake
vacation
show examples
. The essay will
explained
Wrong verb form
explain
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 the value of long
holidays
Use synonyms
 and
revealed
Wrong verb form
reveal
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 the argument
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 shorter
holidays
Use synonyms
. There is no doubt that summer vacations
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 several advantages to
students
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it provides
students
Use synonyms
opportunities
Change preposition
with opportunities
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 to take a rest. As children have to study and take an exam every day, they would easily
overwhelmed
Verb problem
be overwhelmed
show examples
 without proper
holidays
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, for those
students
Use synonyms
 who are facing
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 entrance exam, they may have a lot of pressure and anxiety.
As a result
Linking Words
, the negative emotions
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
 their learning performance, even leading to mental issues.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 can obtain other abilities that they cannot learn in school. A long
Use synonyms
holidays
Fix the agreement mistake
holiday
show examples
 means they have enough time to travel, join a club, or
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
volunteer. Throughout these activities, they can learn practical life skills
such
Linking Words
 as communication and
team work
Use the right word
teamwork
show examples
, which help them develop comprehensive capacity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is an argument
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 shorter
holidays
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 some potential disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a long vacation may
lead
Verb problem
have
show examples
 to negative impact on learning. Mainly because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 are more likely to forget what they have learn in the past semester.
Therefore
Linking Words
, teachers have to spend time
to review
Wrong verb form
reviewing
show examples
 the content, which is not effective.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, for low-income or double-income
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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, parents may have difficulties
to take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 care of their children.
In other words
Linking Words
, parents are too busy to stay at home to accompany their kids as they have to work. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are some merits of long school
holidays
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as a long break and
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
show examples
 extra skills. The argument of shorter vacations cannot be neglected as it
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
students
Use synonyms
' study performance and parents' pressure.

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grammar
Check grammar and fix sentence form. Simple fixes like 'The essay will be explained' and 'they would be easily overwhelmed' can become clear with care.
lexical
Be consistent with the words for holidays. Pick either 'summer holidays' or 'summer vacation' and use it all through the essay.
task response
Make each point clear with one clear example. Link each point to why it matters.
coherence
Use short sentences and simple linking words to help flow. Try 'First, then, also, finally'.
structure
End with a stronger closing line that restates the view.
content
The writer shows both sides of the topic.
content
There are ideas on rest and on life skills.
structure
There is a clear ending.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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