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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time being active or creative. What is the reason for this? What measures should be taken to encourage children to be more active?

Today,
children
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 spend a lot of their leisure
time
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 watching
television
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,
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;
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 in turn, they are much more sedentary and less creative. The reasons behind that problem are two
;
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:
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 the addictive factor of the
television
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 and the
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of the
parents
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. Fortunately, there are many steps that
parents
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 can take to enhance
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children’s
Correct pronoun usage
their children’s
show examples
 lifestyle. In
this
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 essay,
i
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I
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 will develop and explain the previous points.
Firstly
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, experts have studied the damage caused by spending long hours in front of the
television
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. In early ages, when toddlers and kids begin to create habits and personality patterns, exposing them
on
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to
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 the screen for too long can cause them addiction and attention problems.
This
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 is because
children
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 get used to waste their
time
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 watching TV,
while
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 their attention and senses are satisfied with uninterrupted overstimulation.
Secondly
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, the role of
parents
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 is extremely important as well, when it comes to
educate
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educating
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 and
motivate
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motivating
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 their
children
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. A study conducted by the Ministry of Childhood showed that
children
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 with absent
parents
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have
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are
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 three times as likely to develop addiction and dependence on
television
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. In
this
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 regard, if
parents
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 don't have enough
time
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 to spend with their
children
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, they can teach them other ways to entertain themselves, where they have fun and at the same
time
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 develop their cognitive skills.
For example
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, activities
such
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 as painting, dancing or playing an instrument can provide great benefits for
children
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.
In addition
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,
parent
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parents
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 who are worried about
leave
Wrong verb form
leaving
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 their sons alone at home
,
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apply
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can bring them to workshops and
sport
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sports
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 activities, where they are supervised and share with other
children
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, among
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. Among
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 the most popular hobbies are soccer, basketball and chess.
To conclude
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,
television
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, since it is a stimulating and reliable device for
parents
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, causes a lot of dependence and addiction in many
children
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.
However
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, responsible
parents
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 who are short on
time
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,
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apply
show examples
 should encourage their
children
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 to spend their
time
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 with healthier and more challenging activities.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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 can take them to places where they'll be safe and have fun with other
children
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.

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structure
Plan your essay. Put one main idea per paragraph and a short plan at the start.
language
Keep ideas simple and clear. Use short sentences.
content
Explain each point with a clear link to the question. Show how to fix the problem.
content
Use everyday examples from life or school to back points.
conclusion
Finish with a short, strong conclusion that repeats the answer.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion.
content
Two clear ideas are given about why TV use grows.
cohesion
Some link words are used (firstly, secondly).
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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