IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby? What your opinion?

A person is a living thing with feelings and mental health
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they need to spend their
life
Use synonyms
 without wasting it
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
thats
Use the right word
that's
show examples
 why we
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
hobbies
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
. it
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
They
show examples
has
Verb problem
play
show examples
 a vital role in having fun and getting rid of stress.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
hobbies
Use synonyms
 are important for entertainment and quality time.It
got
Verb problem
has
show examples
 lots of concepts for a person to pick:sports,art,music,nature,science,technology and those
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of branches that people can train their mind
while
Linking Words
 getting entertained.
For instance
Linking Words
,many schools have opened club lessons
for giving
Change preposition
to give
show examples
 them a chance to adopt a brand new
hobbie
Correct your spelling
hobby
 for
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 rest of their
life
Use synonyms
 and spend a couple lesson hours in school with obsession. It can
leak
Use the right word
lead
show examples
 a path to your
life
Use synonyms
 by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
chance.
Atleast
Correct your spelling
At least
 it can make you feel busy
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 it
got
Verb problem
has
show examples
 no drawbacks in my opinion. It seems that these
hobbies
Use synonyms
 are important for
academic
Correct article usage
an academic
show examples
 career by obtaining a
scolarship
Correct your spelling
scholarship
 or a job
invite
Check wording
apply
show examples
by companies that need skilled employees
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that
side
Check wording
field
show examples
. It can
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 your
life
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you can
also
Linking Words
 write it on your CV for a job application
they
Punctuation problem
. They
show examples
 pay attention to
those
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of things because it
refers
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 that you are patient and love to learn new things by yourself. In
short
Add a comma
short,
show examples
 that means creativity. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
hobbies
Use synonyms
 are opportunities to open a gate to your future
life
Use synonyms
 and entertain you by spending your time wisely and
joyful
Replace the word
joyfully
show examples
. It can give you new skills to own.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view clearly in the first line of the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
task response
Use 2-3 main ideas and explain each with a simple reason and an example.
grammar
Your writing has long, run-on sentences. break ideas into shorter sentences.
cohesion
Use simple linking words to show how ideas fit together, like also, and, but, so, for example.
opinion clarity
The essay shows a clear wish to say that hobbies are good.
structure
There is a basic structure with introduction, body and conclusion.
examples
There are some real examples from school life.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: