IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many developing countries, there is an increasing movement of workers from rural areas into the cities. Why do you think this happens? What problems can this cause? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

THERE IS NO DENYING THE FACT THAT THE GROWING TREND OF STAFF FROM RURAL OR UNDEVELOPED REGIONS IS MOVING INTO THE DEVELOPING CITIES.
THIS
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 ESSAY WILL DISCUSS THE FACTORS BEHIND
THIS
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 EVENT AND THE CONSEQUENCES THAT MIGHT RESULT.
TO BEGIN
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 WITH, THERE ARE MANY REASONS FOR THE TRANSFORMATION OF THE SQWAD FROM ONE LAYOUT TO ANOTHER.
FIRSTLY
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, LACK OF OPPORTUNITIES,
SUCH
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 AS LESS JOB OPPORTUNITIES AND LACK OF RESOURCES OR JOB SKILLS , WHICH MIGHT BE THE MAJOR REASON.
IN OTHER WORDS
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, LESS PROMOTIONS AND
THIS
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 IS THE OUTCOME OF LESS SKILLS DEVELOPMENT.
IN ADDITION
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, THE college needs some motivation TO AID THEM IN DOING THEIR BEST AT WORK AND, TO BE MORE EXCITED TO LEARN NEW SKILLS THAT MIGHT BE HELPFUL FOR THE COMPANY OR THE WORK.
FOR EXAMPLE
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, MOTIVATING THE GANG BY DOING COMPETITIONS
SUCH
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 AS THE BEST BODY FOR THE WEEK WITH A MODEST PRESENT, IT WILL BE HELPFUL FOR THEM. IN TERMS OF THE ISSUES THAT
THIS
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 TREND CAN CAUSE, MENTAL PROBLEMS LIKE,
DEPRESSION
Use synonyms
 WHICH IS A SERIOUS ISSUE AND HAS A DRAWBACK EFFECT ON THEM( THE EMPLOYEES). IT IS
ALSO
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 POSSIBLE TO SAY THAT MANY BANDS SUFFERED FROM
DEPRESSION
Use synonyms
 BECAUSE OF THEIR WORK AND THE PRESSURE THAT ACCUMULATED TO THEM WHEN THEY ATTEMPTED TO DO THEIR BEST WITHOUT RESULT OR EVEN THANKS.
FOR INSTANCE
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, IN JAPAN, THERE ARE MANY suicide cases and
DEPRESSION
Use synonyms
 BECAUSE OF THE SAME TREND. IN CONCLUSION, THERE ARE PLANTY OF FACTORS BEHIND THE INCREASING MOVEMENT OF companies FROM AREA TO ANOTHER. IT IS
ALSO
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 TRUE THAT THERE ARE MANY ISSUES THAT
THIS
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 TRANSFORMATION CAUSES,
SUCH
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 AS
DEPRESSION
Use synonyms
 AND THE INCREASE IN SUICIDE CASES.

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structure and content
The essay tries to answer both parts but ideas are not clear or well shown. Plan your answer: list causes, then effects, each with one simple example.
paragraphing
Make a clear paragraph for each idea. Start with a short line that gives the point, then give one simple example.
cohesion
Use simple linking words to connect ideas. Include words like first, next, also, because, for example.
content
The essay shows a goal to cover both causes and problems.
style
Some linking words are used, like for example and in addition.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • move
  • move to
  • rural
  • city
  • urban
  • job
  • jobs
  • work
  • pay
  • money
  • education
  • school
  • training
  • skill
  • health
  • health care
  • hospital
  • transport
  • road
  • train
  • bus
  • housing
  • home
  • rent
  • crowding
  • overcrowding
  • traffic
  • pollution
  • noise
  • stress
  • unemployment
  • unemployed
  • farming
  • farm
  • harvest
  • drought
  • weather
  • climate
  • service
  • services
  • government
  • policy
  • plan
  • development
  • industry
  • factory
  • brain drain
  • youth
  • young
  • family
  • relatives
  • remittance
  • send money
  • village
  • country side
  • city life
  • city centre
  • rural area
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