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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart presents data on the number of male and female participants of different evening courses at an adult education centre in 2009,
while
Linking Words
 the bar
cahrt
Correct your spelling
chart
 compares the ages of these learners.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 all the courses, except sculpture, have more women than men
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of participants are 50 years old or older. Focusing on the bar chart, the most popular
course
Use synonyms
 was language, having a total of 60
students
Use synonyms
. The most significant
differenc
Correct your spelling
difference
 can
also
Linking Words
 be observed in
this
Linking Words
 category, having 20 more
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 than male ones. Painting was the second most attended
course
Use synonyms
, accommodating 5
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 than
language
Correct article usage
the language
show examples
course
Use synonyms
. Female enrollment in drama was double that of males, the figure for the former showing 20.
Finally
Linking Words
, the least popular
course
Use synonyms
 was sculpture,consisting of 10 males and 5 females.
According to
Linking Words
 the pie chart, the learners at the adult learning centre consisted
of mostly
Correct word order
mostly of
show examples
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
.
Linking Words
FIrst
Fix capitalization
First
show examples
, people over 50 years old were responsible for the largest share, at 42%. Coming next
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 individuals aged between 40 and 49, accounting for 26%,
while
Linking Words
 the share of 30-
39 years old
Correct your spelling
39-year-olds
 was 10% lower.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the combined share of the remaining age groups made up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
16%, which is the same as that of the previous age group,
students
Use synonyms
 under 20 representing only 5%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words course, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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