IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that economic growth is the best way to end world poverty, while others believe economic growth should be stopped immediately to prevent environmental damage. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

We have 2 views about
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economy
show examples
, some people think that
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 is the best way to stop world problems, and, on the one hand, others believe that economic
growth
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is bad and should be stopped to
save
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prevent environmental damage.
Firts
Correct your spelling
First
 view
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 is about economic
growth
Use synonyms
 is the best way to end world poverty, because economic
growth
Use synonyms
 helps build schools, hospitals, roads, and other useful things. It
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
helps to buy products
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
cheap
Correct article usage
a cheap
show examples
 price. It is good for some people who
dreams
Correct subject-verb agreement
dream
show examples
 about
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 their own business and
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
show examples
car's
Check wording
cars
show examples
 from
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 centre. Economic
growth
Use synonyms
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
to us
Correct word order
us to
show examples
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 in good relationships with other
countries
Use synonyms
 like
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, Russia, China and other
countries
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with high economic we can upgrade our cities and tourism to tourists from other
countries
Use synonyms
. The main problem in Kazakhstan
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 a job, so with higher economic
we
Check wording
growth we
show examples
 could
to terminated
Change preposition
terminate
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem. Second view it is about people who believe that economic
growth
Use synonyms
 should be stopped immediately. First of all, it
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
could
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stop
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
 our
many
Change preposition
to many
show examples
 factors
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 many jobs in our country could be lost, because
country
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
 with
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 just cannot
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
country
Correct article usage
a country
show examples
. We cannot sell our oil or fuel to other
countries
Use synonyms
 and
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 same time cannot buy other useful products. There would be a massive rally. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 suppose that we need a high
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
, because, as
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 said, we just cannot live with
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 economic level. We
even will not
Correct word order
will not even
show examples
 be in
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 100
countries
Use synonyms
 with
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 life level. So
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think we should upgrade our
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 to
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 level, we should build more buildings and improve industry.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan before you write. Make a short intro, 2 body parts (one for each view), and a clear ending that states your view.
coherence
Use a clear topic sentence in each paragraph. Start with the main idea so the reader knows what follows.
content
Give more detail for each point. Use examples that relate to the task, like jobs, money, schools, roads in a real country.
grammar
Choose simple, exact words and fix big grammar mistakes. Check word form and sentence order.
task
End with your own view that comes from the ideas you gave in the body. Be careful not to mix ideas in one line.
content
The essay shows the idea of two sides and a clear view.
content
There are examples from a real place (Kazakhstan) to show points.
structure
The writer tries to link ideas across paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: