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Band 6.5

Nowadays, people spend a great deal of time sitting, leading to health problems. Why does this happen? What are the best ways to encourage people to sit less?

Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 spend a great deal of
time
Use synonyms
 sitting, which often leads to serious health problems.
This
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 issue is mainly connected with modern lifestyles, and in my opinion, the best solution is to make physical activity more accessible and attractive. One of the main reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 remain sedentary is the increasing use of technology. Many jobs require sitting in front of a computer for long hours,
while
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 students
also
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 spend a significant amount of
time
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 studying online.
In addition
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,
people
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 often prefer cars and public transport to walking or cycling, which reduces their daily physical activity. Another factor is leisure
time
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:
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
instead
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 of going outside, many individuals watch television or play computer games, which encourages a passive lifestyle. The best way to motivate
people
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 to sit less is to integrate movement into their daily routines. Workplaces,
for instance
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, could introduce standing desks or short active breaks, which would improve both productivity and health. Schools should encourage sports and outdoor activities from an early age, creating positive habits for the future.
Furthermore
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, governments can play an essential role by investing in public parks, safe cycling lanes, and free outdoor gyms. Public awareness campaigns are
also
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 effective, as they highlight the risks of a sedentary lifestyle and show the benefits of regular exercise. In conclusion,
people
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 spend too much
time
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 sitting because of technology, transport, and modern entertainment.
However
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, with the right support from workplaces, schools, and governments, it is possible to make active lifestyles more appealing and convenient. By doing so, communities can reduce health risks and improve
overall
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 well-being.

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overall
Your answer shows a clear plan and keeps to the topic. Try to add more detail to each idea.
structure
Make a simple plan before you write. Each paragraph should have one main idea and one clear example.
content
Add more real or exact examples to back up points, even small data or facts.
structure
Clear aim and plan at the start.
coherence
Good use of connectors to link ideas.
task
Answer stays on topic and gives a solution.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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