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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that old buildings, such as town halls and art galleries, should be restored, even though this can be costly. Others argue that governments should replace them with new, modern buildings.

In
this
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 world, the number of ancient
buildings
Use synonyms
 has been falling rapidly
due to
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 the need to improve infrastructure in urban areas. Whilst many argue that old
buildings
Use synonyms
 should be renovated to educate children about culture and ancient history, others believe that these
buildings
Use synonyms
 could be converted into modern suites for better entertainment.
However
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, I believe that the authorities should rework these entities to attract tourism. On the one hand, a number of people expect that the government should spend enough budget on saving the historical and cultural aspects of the nation.
For example
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, many people refuse to visit old art galleries and libraries.
This
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 is because the
buildings
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 are old and do not have enough basic facilities,
such
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 as an elevator, for visitors.
Hence
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, these
buildings
Use synonyms
 should be renovated so that children can learn about their culture.
On the contrary
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, many individuals believe that modern centres should replace old infrastructure
buildings
Use synonyms
 to expand the source of entertainment.
For instance
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, new game centres and shopping malls can be built for youngsters to spend their leisure time.
Also
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, by using the land for
this
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 development, the government can create a number of job opportunities for local people.
However
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, I believe that the government should recreate old
buildings
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 to attract tourism. By
this
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, I mean that an ancient church or a temple can be rebuilt with the use of the latest technology. These will attract many tourists from all over the world and will ultimately improve the country's economy.
For example
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, a temple in India called "Siddhi Vinayak " welcomed thousands of foreign visitors to see the robot making food.
To conclude
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, Old
buildings
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 have a range of cultural and historical events, which increases
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 popularity. Money should be better spent to rebuild these entities for better economic growth and children's learning about their local history
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instead
Punctuation problem
, instead
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 of building more and more modern
buildings
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main idea clear in the first paragraph and keep it in every part. Some ideas drift away from the main goal.
coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence and stay on one idea.
task response
Clear view that old buildings should be used to attract tourists.
coherence
The essay has a plan and a conclusion that match.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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