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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph gives information about a number of using of public transportation system by different ages and location of dwellers in 2016.

The line graph gives information about a number of using of public transportation system by different ages and location of dwellers in 2016.
The line chart illustrates the proportion of people using the public transportation system by distinct ages and different residents in the year 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
 , the trend of using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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community transportation remained static among certain
age
Use synonyms
 groups
Correct word choice
and in
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in
Change preposition
among
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 other residents.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
 , in metropolitan
areas
Add a comma
areas,
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 the percentage is quite high
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
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varying
Check wording
group varying
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 between 0 to 45 ,
whereas
Linking Words
 it was quite low for the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 older than 50 years old. Talking about the contribution of different
age
Use synonyms
 groups living in Large cities. The graph increases as we move towards
31
Correct article usage
the 31
show examples
-45
Use synonyms
group
Check wording
age group
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as 0-15 stands at 40% followed by 55% in
16
Correct article usage
the 16
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-30, and 65% in
31
Correct article usage
the 31
show examples
-45
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. The graph
then
Linking Words
 decreases
we
Correct word choice
as we
show examples
 examine individuals
elder
Use the right word
older
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 than 45.
For instance
Linking Words
 , the graph
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
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 down to 42% in
46
Correct article usage
the 46
show examples
-60 batch.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, for
61
Correct article usage
the 61
show examples
-75 and 76+
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
group
Add a comma
group,
show examples
 it stands
on
Change preposition
at
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 approximately 10% and 8% respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, for other residents, the chart is quite stable for numerous groups. First and foremost , for 0-15,31-45 and 46 to 60 , it accounts for 15% of the total percentage.
Secondly
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, for 16-30 , it contributes the highest percentage of approximately 25%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, for 61-75 and 76+, it contains 19 per cent and 9% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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