IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows infromation about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA.

The chart below shows infromation about Heart Attacks by Age and Gender in USA.
The given figure illustrates data
of
Change preposition
on
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 heartfelt concerns between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 divided by age group.
Overall
Linking Words
 ,we can see ,
while
Linking Words
 people get older, they
meet more
Verb problem
face a higher
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possibility
Check wording
risk
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 of getting
heart
Correct article usage
a heart
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 attack
with
Punctuation problem
, with
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 the highest proportions
,
Punctuation problem
. Furthermore
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Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
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woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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occupied
Wrong verb form
occupy
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 second place in
popularity
Check wording
terms
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by
Change preposition
of
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 morbidity To be more specific , the bar chart
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 three
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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 for comparison
24-44,45-64
Punctuation problem
: 24-44,45-64
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, and 65+. At
first,
Linking Words
ranging from 29-44
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
show men
Correct word order
men show
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 more
heart hurts
Verb problem
heartache
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 than
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 in 43fold
, all
Punctuation problem
. All
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 in
all
Punctuation problem
all,
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 we can observe that fact about men suffer from chickenpox at an early age By different
ages
Punctuation problem
ages,
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 the incident it’s different
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
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this
Linking Words
 fact didn’t touch men public across
-
Punctuation problem
apply
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 45-65+ years, namely between 45-64 and 65+ experienced a very slight increase ,
whereas
Linking Words
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
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 in 45
-
Change preposition
apply
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64 years get sick less

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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