IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that parents should be responsible for encouraging their children to take regular exercise. Others argue that the main responsibility for encouraging children to do so should lie with schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is no denying the fact that people think that encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 to take regular exercise is
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 responsibility.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 to do exercise are both
responsible
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that some people believe that the main responsibility for encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 to do normal exercise should lie with
schools
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I
storngly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 agree that the
schools
Use synonyms
 are responsible
to encourage
Change preposition
for encouraging
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to
involve
Verb problem
engage
show examples
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
outdoors
Replace the word
outdoor
show examples
 exercises.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
parents
Use synonyms
 should provide the necessary equipment for doing exercises.
In other words
Linking Words
, if the right equipment is provided,
then
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to explore
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
. If the
parents
Use synonyms
dose
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not have the amount of money to provide the equipment for doing exercises,
then
Linking Words
 the public parks are open 24/7, and
also
Linking Words
 it is free of charge.
In addition
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can meet new friends in the park.
For example
Linking Words
,
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 was a movie
talks
Correct pronoun usage
that talks
show examples
 about the same story about a child
he
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 was
alon
Correct your spelling
alone
 in his house and his
parents
Use synonyms
sode
Correct your spelling
did
 not know what to do to let him
meets
Correct subject-verb agreement
meet
show examples
 new friends, they
try
Wrong verb form
tried
show examples
 to take him to the national park and he found
children
Use synonyms
 to play with. Another point to consider is that
schools
Use synonyms
 should take the
children
Use synonyms
 on a school trip
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the national park or the museum. It is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that school trips
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a chance for
children
Use synonyms
 to know each other, and
workout
Use the right word
work out
show examples
also
Linking Words
. In conclusion, despite people having
differen
Correct your spelling
different
 views, I believe that the responsibility for encouraging
children
Use synonyms
 should lie with
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Plan before writing. Make an intro that says what you will talk about, then two clear body parts (one for parents, one for schools), then a short conclusion.
coherence
Make ideas flow well. Use simple link words and keep one idea per paragraph.
task response
You try to discuss both sides and show your own view.
coherence
You give a real life idea (parks) to show exercise points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • responsibility
  • encouragement
  • exercise
  • physical activity
  • habits
  • environment
  • motivate
  • support
  • structured programs
  • P.E. classes (Physical Education)
  • social skills
  • sedentary behavior
  • screen time
  • balance
  • health and fitness
  • teamwork
  • outdoor play
  • value of health
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