IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

People
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 hold different opinions on whether
music
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 is a good way of bringing
people
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 of different
cultures
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 and
ages
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 together.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that
music
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 does not serve
such
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 a function, I strongly disagree with
this
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 view. In my opinion,
music
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 has the unique ability to transcend linguistic and cultural boundaries, serving as a universal medium for emotional communication.
Music
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 conveys emotions in ways that words often cannot. Regardless of language or age,
people
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 can all feel joy, sorrow, or excitement through melodies and rhythms.
This
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 shared emotional experience allows
individuals
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 from completely different backgrounds to resonate with one another and build an invisible bond. Since human emotional experiences are essentially universal, as
music
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 - a capable form of evoking deep feelings - can generate a shared sense of collective memory among
individuals
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 from diverse generations and
cultures
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,
thus
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 uniting them beyond other barriers.
Moreover
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,
music
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 can serve as a bridge between different
cultures
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, allowing
people
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 to appreciate and understand traditions different from their own.
For instance
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, many world-famous bands,
such
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 as The Beatles, Linkin Park, and Beyond, have achieved global recognition and attracted audiences from diverse contexts. Their widespread appeal demonstrates that
music
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 can connect
people
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 all together. These internationally acclaimed musicians demonstrated how
music
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 can enable
individuals
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 to explore the diversity of
cultures
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 and foster mutual understanding and respect,
thus
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 bringing
people
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 of different
cultures
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 and
ages
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 together. In conclusion, I firmly agree that
music
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 is a great bridge to connect
individuals
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 of different
cultures
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 and
ages
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,
as
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apply
show examples
not
can
Rephrase
only can
show examples
 it elicit similar emotional responses in diverse
individuals
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, but
also
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 it can facilitate communication and exchange among
people
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 of different
cultures
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 and
ages
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.

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structure
Keep a clear plan. Start with a short intro that shows your view, then two or three main ideas with simple link words.
examples
Use more real and clear examples. Name specific events or facts, not only big bands.
language
Fix grammar. Watch long sentences and wrong words. Use simple, correct form and spelling.
coherence
Link ideas with more helper words like also, but, so, and then to keep flow.
content
Strong view is kept all through the essay
idea
The idea of emotion and shared feeling is good
example
Use of world groups (bands) shows music can join people
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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