IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 ongoing debate about
celebrities
Check wording
celebrities'
show examples
 income. Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that it is way too much,
while
Linking Words
 others oppose. I disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the former statement. Considering the outstanding talent and the effort
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 make, I believe public figures
deserves
Correct subject-verb agreement
deserve
show examples
 their revenue. Since it is undeniable that
celebrities
Check wording
celebrities'
show examples
 revenue is much higher than local
people
Use synonyms
, some
people
Use synonyms
 claim it's unfair that they
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to make a considerable amount of
money
Use synonyms
 within a short period.
For example
Linking Words
, some teenage
actrors
Correct your spelling
actors
 and actresses
casted
Verb problem
cast
show examples
 in popular movies,
such
Linking Words
 as
Harry
Correct article usage
the Harry
show examples
 Potter series,
earns
Correct subject-verb agreement
earn
show examples
 millions of dollars from just one episode. For a normal office worker, it will take ages to earn
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same amount of
money
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it appears that
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
 are making
money
Use synonyms
 effortlessly for some individuals.
However
Linking Words
, the
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 of celebrities to survive the unstable work circumstances is never fully understood. Unlike other occupations,
singer
Fix the agreement mistake
singers
show examples
, actors, and dancers have to compete with a considerable number of
people
Use synonyms
 to obtain their own stage. They should not only be
tanlented
Correct your spelling
talented
 but
also
Linking Words
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to be diligent, and lucky enough to be chosen in auditions. Competing with others can be stressful and may potentially affect one's mental well-being.
For example
Linking Words
, in the TV show called American
idol
Fix capitalization
Idol
show examples
, some candidates
retires
Correct subject-verb agreement
retire
show examples
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 show
due to
Linking Words
 the
overloaded
Correct word choice
overwhelming
show examples
 pressure of winning the show.Coping with stress and
also
Linking Words
 working
countinuously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 to improve their talent could never be achieved effortlessly.
Overall
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that public
figure's
Check wording
figures'
show examples
 revenue is too much,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that they
deserves
Correct subject-verb agreement
deserve
show examples
 what they gain. I
strrongly
Correct your spelling
strongly
 believe that they
deserves
Correct subject-verb agreement
deserve
show examples
 the
money
Use synonyms
 they earn
due to
Linking Words
 the significant stress of auditions they overcome.

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content
Your position is clear, but you should add more idea depth. Give more detail for each point and link each idea to your view.
coherence
Use simple linking words to join ideas (for example, first, then, and, but, so). This will help flow.
language
Check spelling and grammar so your meaning is not lost.
content
Choose examples you know well and explain how they support your view.
content
Try to say a brief counter-idea and then explain why your view still holds.
task
You take a clear side and give reasons.
coherence
You give some examples to support your point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • lucrative
  • revenue
  • sponsorships
  • merchandise
  • career longevity
  • market demand
  • economic contribution
  • role models
  • influence
  • entertainment industry
What to do next:
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