IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe the purpose of education should be helping the individual to become useful for society, while others believe it should help individuals to achieve their ambitions. Discuss both sides and give your opiniom?

There are two groups of individuals that hold opposite opinions on the aim of
education
Use synonyms
 - one
argue
Correct subject-verb agreement
argues
show examples
 that its purpose is to help
people
Use synonyms
 to become useful for society,
while
Linking Words
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 group
state
Correct subject-verb agreement
states
show examples
 that it is the way to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 their ambitions. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 and provide my own
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 claim that the main purpose of
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 is, in the future, serving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
For example
Linking Words
, in order to work in public structures like schools, hospitals, and libraries that meet community needs,
people
Use synonyms
at least should
Correct word order
should at least
show examples
 have a higher
education
Use synonyms
 related to the major.
Also
Linking Words
, individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are willing to work as teachers or doctors
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 should be
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
, so
thats
Use the right word
that's
show examples
 the main reason that requires
education
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 use
education
Use synonyms
 to achieve their desires.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a rise in
IT
Correct article usage
the IT
show examples
 area, and pupil from their young age are keen on studying it. They learn how to write
codes
Fix the agreement mistake
code
show examples
 and create websites.
Additionally
Linking Words
, youngsters sell their intellectual property
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age, and many of them desire to join companies
such
Linking Words
 as Microsoft or Google in the future, and of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 it requires a full
packaged
Replace the word
package
show examples
Use synonyms
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 is vital for
people
Use synonyms
 aiming to work in society
facilies
Correct your spelling
facilities
 and for ambitious individuals too, to make their dream
true
Verb problem
come true
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity
Make your view clear in the end. State your own view in one line in the last paragraph.
grammar
Fix grammar and spelling errors. Use common word form and correct spellings.
structure
Use short and simple sentences. Do not make long run on lines.
development
Give one strong example for each side, then show your own idea. Tie ideas with simple links to help flow.
structure
There is a plan with an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
content
The essay tries to show both sides and to give a view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: