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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The Internet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In view of the rapid development of technology,
communication
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 does not necessarily take place in person.
Instead
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, it is often done by using social
media
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such
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 as Instagram and X.
While
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 some appreciate
this
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 method of discussion, some against it.
This
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 essay discusses both sides of
Correct article usage
the arguments
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arguments
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argument
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, first by discussing how social medias strengthen interpersonal connections,
then
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discuss
Wrong verb form
discussing
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 how it fails to become an alternative
of
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apply
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communication
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 method. To commence with, the use of social
media
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 successfully
boost
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boosts
show examples
 the linkage between people. In the past, communications between family and friends
are
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were
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 performed in monotonous ways, including telephone calls, text messages and
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face to
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face-to-face
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face
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 gatherings. Different social
media
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 facilitate
communication
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 by providing a wide range of methods for people to interact with one another, which
encourage
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encourages
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 others to know more about themselves and strengthen relationships.
For instance
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, Instagram provides various channels for
communications
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communication
show examples
. Apart from ordinary methods of
communication
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, interactive approaches,
such
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 as posting and replying
of
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to
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 stories, sharing of short videos called Reels and
repost
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reposting
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 of Instagram
posts
Punctuation problem
posts,
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 facilitate discussion in various types.
This
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 enables others to gain a better understanding
on
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of
show examples
 the interests of somebody and help create common topics for
communication
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.
Therefore
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, social
media
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strengthen
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strengthens
show examples
 the bonding between one another.
However
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, social
media
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 may not be the ideal
mean
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means
show examples
 of
communication
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 because it cannot replace the value of in-person
communication
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. Regardless of the number of ways for people to communicate virtually via social
media
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, some aspects cannot be replaced and can only be done
in-person
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in person
show examples
. An obvious example
include
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includes
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 the use of physical language, ranging from basic aspects
such
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 as eye
contacts
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contact
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 that
show
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shows
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 respect, to hugs that provide emotional support towards others. The meanings given by these actions
is
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are
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 unique and
it
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they
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 can hardly be replaced by communications in social
medias
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media
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, which implies that
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face to
Use the right word
face-to-face
show examples
face
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 meetings
is
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are
show examples
 somewhat necessary in providing support that cannot be carried out in social
media
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. In conclusion, some appreciate social
media
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 in boosting interpersonal
relationship
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relationships
show examples
,
while
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 some hold
conservations
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reservations
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 because social
medias
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media
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not a perfect
substitution
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substitute
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of
Change preposition
for
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in person
Use the right word
in-person
show examples
communication
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. Considering both sides of
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the arguments
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arguments
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argument
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, it is believed that the negative effect outweighs the positive ones.

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task response
Your answer shows both sides and a view, but say your clear view more. State which side you think is best and why, with one main idea for each part
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words that show order, like first, also, but, however, and finally. This will help keep ideas tied.
structure
In the intro and conclusion, add a short line to tell what you will talk about and what you think in the end.
grammar
Fix small grammar errors. Use 'social media' not 'social medias'. Check plural and tense.
content
Add one or two clear examples for each side to make your point stronger.
Overall
Topic is clear and the essay tries to talk about both sides.
Content
One example from social media is given to show a point.
Structure
The writing uses separate paragraphs for idea groups.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant communication
  • global connectivity
  • networking opportunities
  • data privacy
  • data breaches
  • mental health issues
  • excessive use
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • feelings of loneliness
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • public misinformation
  • societal harm
  • shared interests
  • engaged
  • foster communities
What to do next:
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