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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many young children are spending large amount of time in front of screens. What are the causes of this and what other problems does it lead to?

Nowadays, more
children
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 are spending most of their
time
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 on
screen
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 for different reasons
,
Punctuation problem
;
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this
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 issue has become increasingly serious.
This
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 essay will examine the main causes of
this
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 situation and explore the additional problems that may result from it. Busy parents
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 one of the main
reason
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reasons
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of
Change preposition
for
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 spending more hours on devices. In
another
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other
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 words, today, both father and mother are working at least ten hours a day
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they need a rest in their home.
Consequently
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, they allow
children
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 to use phones or
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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 television in order to stay
quite
Use the right word
quiet
show examples
. Another important cause is educational use.
For example
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, in Oman, schools require a tablet to study and complete other tasks.
Therefore
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, parents give their
children
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 a device to study
but
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, but
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 they easily switch to games.
On the other hand
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, long
time
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 on
screen
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 leads to several problems.
Firstly
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, poor social skills. To illustrate, less face-to-face interaction
due to
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 less
communicate
Replace the word
communication
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 with their family and friends in real life.
Secondly
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, lower academic performance. Too
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
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 online games and watching television can affect their achievement in school and reduce their attention span.
Lastly
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, most
children
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 who spend
long
Correct article usage
a long
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time
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 in front
screen
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are
Verb problem
apply
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suffer from health issues,
such
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 as eyesight and obesity. Because they lack physical activities. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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 the major causes of more
time
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 on
screen
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 are
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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 family, the attraction of online entertainment and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of outdoor activities.
However
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, if parents encourage their
children
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 to outdoor activities and set
screen
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-
time
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limits
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limits,
show examples
this
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 problem can be effectively reduced in the future.

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organization
Plan with one idea per paragraph. Each paragraph should have one main idea and a short, clear example.
coherence
Use linking words to show order and cause and effect, such as 'first', 'also', 'as a result'. Do not over use 'on the other hand' without a clear contrast.
grammar
Fix grammar errors: check subject-verb form (e.g., 'Busy parents are' not 'Busy parents is'), and use 'In other words' instead of 'In another words'.
lexical resource
Use simple words from the common list and keep sentences short. This keeps writing easy to read.
task
Give more clear examples and explain how they link to the point. This will show stronger task response.
content
Clear focus on causes and effects.
structure
Has an introduction and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive screen time
  • digital devices
  • interactive content
  • remote learning
  • social interaction
  • engagement
  • convenience
  • traditional playtime
  • screen dependency
  • educational purposes
  • video games
  • streaming services
  • captivate
  • shift in daily routines
  • peer connection
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